tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86187711205700903612024-03-06T08:45:44.531+01:00Bechara BandhuAnkit Arora |
Privileged by fluke; Guilty by choice | Time Pass Writer | Roadside Shayar | Bathroom Singer | Underarm Fast Bowler | Pseudo Alcoholic | Procrastinator | Perfect Liar | F1 Enthusiast | Seinfeld Fan | Rafi Bhakt | Social Retard | Second BestAnkit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.comBlogger28125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8618771120570090361.post-25285678858622005192015-10-18T13:20:00.001+02:002015-10-22T15:51:30.477+02:00Office survival <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
You spend 30% of your life in office. Let's make the best out of it. Before that, let's clear up one thing: You are not expected to think out of box. You are just expected to spend as much time as possible inside the box; called cubicle.<br />
<br />
Now, let's get to some of the important components of this horrible place called 'Office'<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz5F-yufQJcyFZe9Ul9l9hXoB7UBKaYy7VShYCZxHHMMWea7m9x5ujip39TFQVFdY0PHNdNhXfZLtYr9fC2RdfZ9vd50ENVCU6oCcEYlxOEe5oHnc2snfQ2Wuo28p5KgBooRnVB0kF84ln/s1600/TheOffice.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz5F-yufQJcyFZe9Ul9l9hXoB7UBKaYy7VShYCZxHHMMWea7m9x5ujip39TFQVFdY0PHNdNhXfZLtYr9fC2RdfZ9vd50ENVCU6oCcEYlxOEe5oHnc2snfQ2Wuo28p5KgBooRnVB0kF84ln/s1600/TheOffice.gif" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<b><u>Interview</u></b> : <br />
Do you get nervous during a job interview? Do you have trouble clearing them?<br />
Alright then, always remember a few things :-<br />
<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><u>Apply for Nonsense jobs</u>. Apply for jobs that involve talking non-sense to other people. Avoid jobs that involve lifting weights, travel at odd times, and tangible objectives. </li>
<li><u>The interviewers don't know shit either</u>. They have no clue what skill they are looking for or what personality trait would best suit the job profile. All that talk is just pure cooked up management bullshit. They just want someone who can sound smart for a total of 4 mins. And a nice haircut. A nice haircut always help. </li>
<li><u>Never look happy</u>. People who look happy always get rejected in interviews because who wants to give a job to someone who is already happy, right? LOOK SAD, extremely sad. Interviewers relate well to that. They want someone who can fit in. No one wants to disrupt office culture just because of one happy guy. Easier way to look sad is; Being sad. It's easy, try it as a way of life.</li>
<li><u>Spend time building your resume</u>. But remember, your resume is not your strength. It's your weakest link to your past. It's not something you are good at, it's something you have already done and never want to do again. Don't try to build a career, that's not gonna happen. The point is to switch jobs at random interval of times with each job less horrible than the previous one. </li>
</ul>
<div>
#ProTip : Keep the following things handy during an interview :-</div>
<div>
<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li>Blood sample</li>
<li>Urine sample</li>
<li>Stool sample from last 3 days</li>
<li>List of past lovers and Reasons why you left them </li>
</ol>
<div>
They can ask for it anytime. </div>
</div>
<br />
<br />
<b><u>Co-workers</u></b> :<br />
Co-workers are toxic. Stay away from these people. They are mostly categorised as the following :-<br />
<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><b style="font-weight: bold;">Early birds</b><b> : </b>People who reach office early with a smile on their face. They don't have an iota of thought in their head but they make up for that by being in office for 20 hours every day. You'd often find these people organising events, get-togethers, team parties and basically they end up in resource allocation roles because they aren't good at anything else. Mostly harmless bunch, just don't crib about your boss in front of them. They are hardly trustworthy. </li>
<li><b>Chirpy tweets : </b> When these people reach office, everybody gets to know. They are loud, imbecile and most dangerous. They don't understand the concept of privacy. Never entertain them. Never end up like them. Remember, no body listens to people who talk a lot.</li>
</ul>
<div>
BE QUIET. LOOK PISSED- No body messes with someone who remain quiet and no body blames the guy who already look pissed with the current state of affairs.<br />
<br />
#Protip: Find a team within your company where people are even more useless than you are. It makes you look brilliant. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b><u>Job Satisfaction</u></b> :<br />
Whenever you think you aren't getting paid enough for what you do or pretend to do, there's one sure shot way to get your motivation right back up. SHIT. Literally.<br />
<br />
Go to the restroom, sit there for 30 minutes. Shit. When you are done, look at that piece of shit and think about how you are getting paid for that shit. Just for that piece of shit right there.<br />
<br />
Spend that half an hour everyday in the restroom. You company is now paying you for 10 hours of time in a month just for sitting in the restroom. Shit and Tweet people. Shit and Tweet.<br />
<br />
That sounds motivating, right?<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
<br />
<b><u>Promotions</u></b> :<br />
Have you ever wondered why the higher management is purposeless, spineless and overall just a bunch of assholes? You'd think - they have contacts within the company, they are Yes-mens, or that they were just at the right place at the right time. WRONG.<br />
<br />
You'd think you never want to be like them, right? WRONG.<br />
<br />
No matter how much you hate them, you want to be just like them. Do nothing, give out orders, big corner office with your shiny name plate; you want it, you want all of it.<br />
<br />
Let me tell you how these guys reached there and how you can reach there too. It's not a shortcut, it the only cut.<br />
<br />
Here it is then : DO NOT SUGGEST SOLUTIONS<br />
<br />
Losers suggest solutions. When your boss gives a presentation on the recent challenges that the company is facing, the people who at the end of it, raise their hands and suggest solutions end up as losers.<br />
<br />
Winners wait. They wait ...and they wait some more for someone to carry out an analysis and suggest a solution so that they can point out its flaws and without breaking a sweat become an important contributor to that solution.<br />
<br />
And that's it. Point out flaws. That's your secret to success.<br />
<br />
<b><u>Boss</u></b> :<br />
No one hates you more than your boss. They are the ones who have to train you. They don't get paid extra to do that either. If you act like you understood immediately, it angers them more. No one wants to believe that their job is so easy that you understood all of it within an hour.<br />
<br />
ACT DUMB. Listen to him carefully. Say that you'll complete everything on time. Complete everything on time, irrespective of Quality. Remember, quality of work cause tension and stress. Medical research has shown that stress can kill. Don't take that chance.<br />
<br />
ProTip: ANTICIPATE FAILURE. The most important skill you'll ever learn in your life is anticipating failure. Warn your boss about the impending failure and blame your co-workers well in advance.<br />
<br />
Best of luck. Be successful. </div>
</div>
Ankit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8618771120570090361.post-49771993079399012013-10-18T12:44:00.002+02:002013-10-18T12:59:18.986+02:00Ladies and Gentlemen.....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Ladies and Gentlemen of the class
of ’13… Get Married. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, marriage would be it.
The long term benefits of marriage have been proved by scientists whereas
the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my friend’s Facebook
post-marriage pictures…I will dispense this advice now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Enjoy the beliefs and nit-pickings of your parents; oh never mind; you will not understand the efforts they
put in to get you married until you become a parent. You’re exactly as fat as
you imagine. And Ugly. And they know it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Don’t worry about an educated
wife; or a beautiful one, pick someone from the pictures your mom showed you or
the matrimonial profiles your dad found and just get married. Marriage is helping
ugly people have sex since forever. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Do one thing every day that puts
your family to shame. Push them to the edge of disowning you. It’s fun.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Don’t waste your time on keeping
score; sometimes you’re on top, sometimes you’re behind, sometimes you’re blowing,
sometimes you’re blown…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Keep your old porn collection,
throw away your old love letters if you have any.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Fuck.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Buy plenty of condoms. Maybe
you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe your kids will call you papa, and
maybe they’ll call you an asshole, but why take a chance. Whatever shit you end
up with, don’t berate yourself– you didn't</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> deserve anything better.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Enjoy your body and hers, use
it every way you can. Experiment all positions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Dance. Not.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You are a guy and
you’re ugly and look even uglier while dancing. Leave this senseless activity
for your wife. Smile when she dances, and get her drunk. It helps. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Have an affair.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Be nice to your wife’s friends;
they are the best link to her past and the best ones for your future… if the marriage doesn't</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> work out .....or otherwise.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Understand that your closest friends
would stab you in the back sometime soon in life. Fuck them. Forget them…before
they do the same. Build the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the
older you get, the more people you know the more shit you’d have to deal with. Contact
Dexter, if required. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Live in Delhi once, but leave
before someone rapes you; live in Bombay once, but leave before you die of
suffocation. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Accept certain inalienable
truths, when you get old performance will drop, wife will philander, you
too will get horny, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were
young performance was reasonable, girlfriend was loyal and biology
respected your needs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Respect your needs. Don’t expect
anyone else to give you a hand. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Visit Thailand.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Be careful whose services you
buy, but, be patient with those who supply it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But trust me on the marriage…</span><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Ankit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8618771120570090361.post-2802026152785066582013-02-03T22:41:00.002+01:002013-10-10T15:56:32.176+02:00My Job in this world is done!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">My job in this world is done!<br />
<br />
..So there's this restaurant in Basel that I often end up having my dinner at.
The guy who serves food greets me everytime, sometimes by saying Namaste or Vanakkam
and sometimes, Asla Walekum. I generally nod. One day he came up to me and
asked in his broken English, "How should I greet you sir? I can figure out
you are an Indian but not sure what language you speak or which
part of India you are from either?"<br />
<br />
I smiled, thought what to answer, and told him to greet everyone by saying
something particular that is common to every Indian belief system.<br />
<br />
Now he greets every Indian who walks in that restaurant with "Jai
Tendlya"!<br />
<br />
I can now die peacefully.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
Ankit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8618771120570090361.post-69515469891926077322013-01-30T23:18:00.004+01:002013-01-30T23:26:35.084+01:00Some Thursday!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Few Weeks back,
Some Thursday! It’s a surprise middle of the week holiday. Nobody has anything
planned. Me neither. Not that I plan anything for normal holidays, but this one
I didn't</span><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"> even feel like. So I had a long night sleep, which crossed all
definitions of ‘a morning’, sliding towards afternoon. A few more hours and
people would have declared me dead already.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">But finally,
I woke up at 13:00 and did what all you do when you guys wake up. It may differ
in some cases, because some of you wake up in other people’s bed and you have
to sneak away before the girl actually wakes up and asks you to marry her. But
anyways, I did the normal routine.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">@14:00 – Coffee Time<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Mom, can you
make a cup of coffee? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">While I waited
for my coffee, I switched on the TV and settled for a movie. Selecting a movie on TV these days with 200
channels is like being in a relationship. You like the girl, but you don’t want
to marry her, because you think you might get someone better. Same with movies
on TV, you just never know what else might be there on some other channel. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Also, in
another important life event, I recently bought a recliner which has become my
second bed or the first one, I am not really sure. But, whatever! So I was reclining
on this recliner (reclining on this recliner?), OK anyways, with my legs on the
table in front, watching a movie. And my coffee just arrived. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">*few minutes
later*<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Mom</span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">: Ankit...idhar
aa<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Me</span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">: Kya hua?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Mom</span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">: Kuchh
khaayega?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Me</span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">: Kya hai?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Mom</span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">: Tikki bana
rahi hu…bread ke saath sandwich type bana ke du? Nahi to burger bhi ban sakta
hai?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Me</span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">: Theek hai
burger bana do. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">*Back to the
recliner, with my coffee cup in one hand and remote in the other, watching a
movie, waiting for the burger*<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">@14:20 - *phone rings…It’s Ajay*<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Me</span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">: Haan be?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Ajay</span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">: What are
you up to today?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Me</span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">: Nothing
much. Any plans?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Ajay</span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">: I don’t
know…but I can’t sit at home all day…Let’s Go Out. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Me</span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">: Where?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Ajay</span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">: Let’s meet
up at Sector-15 market in half hour and we’ll see from there. I’ll call Amit
and Ashish and ask if they wanna join. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Me</span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">: Ok Done.
Aur gaadi le ke aaiyo be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Ajay</span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">: Haan haan.
Chal bye..call kariyo pahuche to.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Me</span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">: Haan ok.
Milte hai wahi. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">*MAMMA…BURGER
MAT BANANA MAIN BAHAAR JAA RAHA HU* ……arrey kuchh to khaa ke jaaaa…..<i>phurrrr<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">@15:00 – Sector-15 market.<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">No one has a
clue as to what do we do now. So I said, let’s go eat something first and we’ll
decide there, I haven’t had anything since morning. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Ashish knew
of a nice South Indian place nearly, Shiv Bhojanalya, probably 10 minutes by
car. So we decided to go there. On our way to that restaurant, Amit, in his
newly acquired Nexus 4 decides to check up for the movie listings. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“Guys,
there’s a show of Matru ki Bijlee ka Mandola at SRS at 15:30. Chale kya? ”– he
said<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Everyone was
up for the idea, but it meant that we can’t go to the restaurant anymore and
will directly go for the mall. SRS was about another 10 minutes in a different
direction from the place we were headed to currently.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Since I
hadn’t eaten anything, I thought I’ll pick up something in the movie hall
before the movie starts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">There are
far so many malls and multiplexes in our city now, so availability of movie
tickets is never an issue.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">@15:30- Multiplex<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">We rushed
towards the movie hall because Ajay didn’t want to miss the pre-movie
advertisements. No one knows why? You don’t ask either!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">So we asked
him to carry on and we’ll join him in a minute.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Ashish went
to the washroom to do the washroomy stuff. Amit and I went to the food counter
to get coffee and something to eat. They didn’t seem to have many options
though. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">These were
the following options</span></u><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Drinks</span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">:
Coffee, Ice Tea, Water<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Food</span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">: Sandwich,
Popcorn, Burger and Donuts. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Amit ordered
Coffee and Sandwich. I went for Coffee and Burger. (<i>Someone wanted me to have Burger that day</i>).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Amit got his
order then and there, while I was handed over just my coffee and was told that the
rest of the order will be delivered to my seat. Apparently, they did have the
Burger ready. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Meanwhile,
Ashish joined us back at the counter. But, he didn’t order anything. He never
orders anything at movie theatres. Or canteens. Or Stations. Or Roadside. Ok
then, moving on!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">So we went
inside the movie hall. It was empty, well almost. Ajay was there, of course!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">@15:40 – Premium Seats<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">We were at
the third last row. They had changed the seats for the last 4 rows recently.
Premium seats, you see! I almost spill my coffee over Ajay trying to adjust on
that seat. But they were really really comfortable with head-rest and shit like
that. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Movie had
already started by then and Ajay gave us stares. He believes that if you are
late at the movies, you can never succeed in life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">I couldn't focus on the movie, because I kept turning back to look when my burger will
arrive. But then immediately, something struck me and I was blown away:-<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Around
almost an hour and a half back, I was sitting on my batshit awesome recliner,
with coffee in my hand, watching a movie, waiting for my Burger. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">And now!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Life is a
fucking bitch!</span><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</div>
Ankit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8618771120570090361.post-10022466761409153652012-05-31T17:36:00.001+02:002012-05-31T17:39:21.757+02:00No love for you.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">It’s not love if it’s not twisted. It can’t be that. Love is not a cardboard puzzle where you put in a little thought and time and it will come together like a beautiful Michelangelo painting. It’s more like a game of Tetris, the difficulty level and complexity increases exponentially as you move forward in your relationship and you can never win. It’s written that way. No one comes out a winner. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">We don’t fall in love. We don’t love. No one ever has, no one ever will. We have made it the most abused word possible. I am not a cynic, but that’s that. You have got to understand that we give illogical reasons to our juvenile actions by associating it with love. We do it to free ourselves of the guilt, to maintain whatever little self respect we have got, to make sure we live another day thinking I am not all waste of a human being after all. The biggest mistake we do is that we try and define love and then we add a sense of achievement to it. It’s a degradation of your soul. This is what kills you.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">You pretend to be content. You pretend to be a lot of things. The problem is everyone is pretending. This pretention has become the world we live in. You think this pretention is being made worthwhile ‘coz you are loved. We make it our reason to live when there isn’t left any. We pretend to care when every other emotion inside has dried, has given way to a pathetic little afterthought, to care. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div>Ankit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8618771120570090361.post-86364206233990330052012-05-06T09:00:00.002+02:002012-05-06T09:05:14.548+02:00Letter to Invigilator- Pass karwado -- Part I<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">To</span></b><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">: <a href="mailto:Invigilator@aap.hi.karta.dharta.com">Invigilator@aap.hi.karta.dharta.com</a></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Cc</span></b><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">: <a href="mailto:ChilladBoys@googlegroups.com">ChilladBoys@KamineyLaunde.com</a></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Subject</span></b><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">: <b>Pass karwado</b></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Sir, </span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Kaam ki baat pe aane se pehle kuchh batana chahta hu </span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Average sa student hu, average se kam number laata hu</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Kuchh aur dost hai mere, sab mere hi jaise hai </span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Sabki laundo ki taraf se aapko kuchh samjhana chahta hu </span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Mere gang ka naam ‘chillad boys’ mashhoor hai</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Zindagi ka lakshya abhi humse bahut door hai</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Kuchh hi to saal hai sir hamare jawani jeene ke </span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">uske baad to zindagi jaise ek torture-tour hai</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Yaad kijiye sir wo apne sunehre college ke din</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Jee na paana wo mashooka ke message ke bin</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Aisi haalat me koi kaise lagaye padhai me mann</span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Chain nahi hai din me aur raaton ki neend gayi hai chhin. </span></div><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;"></span> <br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;"></span> <span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Chhoti chooti aankhon me hamare chhote chhote sapne hai </span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Paper university se ban ke aata hai par invigilator to apne hai</span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;"></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Thode hi din me sir semester exams shuru hone waale hai</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Saare exam to chhodo sir, ek me bhi paas hone ke laale hai</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Is baar cheating karne dena sir please</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Fail hue agar to hum sab gharo me bada bura pitne waale hai</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Sir, paas karwa dena. Aapki setting wo network waali professor se pakka karwa denge. </span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;"><u>Invigilator ka Reply</u></span></b><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;"></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">To: <a href="mailto:ChilladBoys@googlegroups.com">C</a></span><a href="mailto:ChilladBoys@googlegroups.com" style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">hilladBoys@KamineyLaunde.com</a><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Ek number ke harami launde ho tum saare ke saare</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Ek class attend nahi kari, jaane kitne bunk maare</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Par tumhara letter dekh ke meri aankh bhar aayi hai </span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; tab-stops: 357.75pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Yaad aa gayi wo 1st year ki suppli aur affair dher saare </span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; tab-stops: 357.75pt;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; tab-stops: 357.75pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Wo network waali professor kasam se hai bahut maal </span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; tab-stops: 357.75pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Sunehri zulfen, hoth shabnami, aur gaal hai laal-laal </span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; tab-stops: 357.75pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Usse agar setting karwadi tumne meri</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; tab-stops: 357.75pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Phir to tumhari distinction pakki hai chaaron saal </span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; tab-stops: 357.75pt;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Par setting ke saath saath kuchh aur bhi lagega is kaam me </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Ek rangeen karyakram aur Johnny Walker ho mehfil-e-shaam me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Kuchh main bhi ji lu apni jawani beeti hui</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Bheeg jaane du umar thodi ek nacheez se jaam me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;"></span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; tab-stops: 357.75pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Jaao aish karo!! kaam ho jaayega></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; tab-stops: 357.75pt;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; tab-stops: 357.75pt;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;"><br />
</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;"><u>ChilladBoyz Haraamkhori scheme</u></span></b></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Mail forwarded to <a href="mailto:Principal@bunkerCollege.com">Principal@bunkerCollege.com</a></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Sir dekha hamare college me acche Invigilator ki kitni kadki hai</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Ye waala saala ek to corrupt upar se kitna tharki hai</span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">College ki izzat ka sawaal hai sir aap kuchh kijiye</span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Apni jeb se haath nikaliye aur bhaag-dor haath me lijiye </span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Aisi mauko pe sakht kadam lena ati avashyak hai</span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Aapko kuchh na soojhe to aage likhe hamare upaye pe gaur kijiye.</span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Main aapko ye mushkil ka upaye batata hu </span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Sabke dil ki baat ab aapko yahi sunata hu </span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Lady Professors hire karo sir usme hi sabki bhalayi hai</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Sab ladko ne aaj tak sirf Network ki classes lagayi hai</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Aisi 4-5 aur maal professor le aao sir bhagwan aapka bhala kare</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">Kisi ek se aapki setting karwa denge agar zyada dikkat aayi hai</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">kya bolte ho sir?</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua', serif;">TO BE CONTINUED…..</span></div></div>Ankit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8618771120570090361.post-42620619707324545242012-05-03T21:38:00.009+02:002012-05-03T21:58:00.334+02:00The IT Complaint Out-Of-The-Box<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;">I complain a lot. I do. </span><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;">But today it's about something far more worse than just that. It's about, well... read up!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-DcsC9vFebtw/T6LddiOuqSI/AAAAAAAACWE/tZHQBG4k5hw/s1600/complaint_box_logo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-DcsC9vFebtw/T6LddiOuqSI/AAAAAAAACWE/tZHQBG4k5hw/s1600/complaint_box_logo.jpg" /></a></div><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;">Today I am going to share 5 of the hand-picked issues that my plaguing my company as perceived by some of my colleagues. The following points are true to best of my knowledge and I would try my best to quote them verbatim. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><u><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;">Suggestion: Please do not kill yourself after this. There’s a lot more to come. <o:p></o:p></span></u></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b><i><u><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;">Complaint 1</span></u></i></b><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;">: The size of the coconut keeps on shrinking day by day. We deserve better coconuts for the amount we pay. The vendor has turned a blind eye to our requests and has been offering sub-standard coconuts for a few days now. As per my knowledge, the water inside the coconut is directly proportional to its softness. We request the food committee to look into the issue. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;">(<b>Are you fucking coco-nuts?</b>)<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b><i><u><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;">Complaint 2: </span></u></i></b><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;"> Dear food committee, we request you to please increase the number of spoons in the food court. During the peak hours there are no free spoons and we have to wait for few minutes before we could get hold of one. While we are waiting for the spoons, the food turns cold. Yesterday because of this issue, I got late for my conference call and my manager asked the reason for being late. When I explained, he scolded me even more. This is embarrassing. Please add more spoons. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;">(<b>Have to seen Matrix? How many times do I have to tell you that “THERE IS NO SPOON!!”</b>)<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b><i><u><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;">Complaint 3: </span></u></i></b><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;"> My office chair just like everyone else’s is a revolving recliner. But there’s this one issue, it makes a lot of noise when I revolve it repeatedly. This irritates the person sitting next to me and he stares at me like it is my mistake. Company should take the responsibility of ensuring that all the chairs are properly revolving and reclining without making unnecessary noises. I don’t want to be ill-treated by my fellows in office due to a noise making chair!! Please let me know whom should I contact to get this issue resolved. Thanks. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;">(<b>Ever heard of a phrase "G**nd tika ke baith jaa ek jagah?"</b>)<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b><i><u><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;">Complaint 4: </span></u></i></b><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;"> Yesterday, while I was going to the food court I heard 2 guys talking to each other, one saying to the other "<i>Dekh teri bhabhi jaa rahi hai aage</i>". I felt disgusted after listening to such nonsense. Is this the kind of behavior we expect from our colleagues? We are educated people and we should respect each other. This should not be tolerated in office and we should have people like these fined if they are found saying such insensitive stuff about a girl. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;">(<b>This guy is never getting married, I can bet my life on that. ‘His’ should be hanged till death</b>)<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b><i><u><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;">Complaint 5:</span></u></i></b><b><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;"> </span></b><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;"> <u>Heading: Eating habits</u><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;">I don’t have any biases towards people from any state but there are certain things that pain me much. We see a lot of our own fellow employees eating Dosa with spoon, forks and knives. I mean wth? Dosa is meant to be eaten with your bare hands. This way it even tastes better. I was told by my mother in my childhood that if you eat Dosa with hands, it always tastes better and I have found that to be absolutely true. Not only these people are missing out on the perfect taste of Dosa, they are also disrespecting the South Indian culture. I don’t want to put a regional bias onto what kind of people indulge in such activities, but all of us have a fair idea. I would request everyone to please eat their Dosas with hands only. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua',serif;">(<b>Dear Sir, should I choke the bloody life out of you with my bare hands or cut your throat with a knife? Please let us know what your mother said. You should be DEXTERED!!</b>)<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
* I KID YOU NOT. THIS SHIT IS TRUE. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div>Ankit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8618771120570090361.post-84835670631960061722012-02-15T10:20:00.003+01:002012-02-15T13:06:09.042+01:00Facebook for you, Just in case!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Welcome to Facebook. Today's agenda is to give you an educational tour on the following:-</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">1) Who is reading What on Washington post? And how Washington Post has become the Farmville of the Intelligentsia?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">2) How many people in India are dying of hunger (Pics will be attached for added effect)? How can you help them by not wasting food? Some of these people are also suffering from cancer. You can lend support just by one 'click' on your mouse. Believe me, It works. I have tried it. We'll also take a special 10 minutes session on How to pretend to care!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">3) A brief statistical journey on how many people in India are blind? If you plan to commit suicide tomorrow, make sure to pledge your eye donation first. This is very important.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">4) A visual tour on How to Get Married accompanied by Pics right from 'potential sampling' to 'Honeymoon'. This can overwhelm you a little but we have pics of ugly looking missing people to bring you back to sanity.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">5) If you have not bothered enough to ask your parents this since you were born, we present you a once-in-a-lifetime-oppotunity to know 'What does your name mean?'.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">6) We'll also take you through some of the dowry cases and problems associated. People working in IT and have worked Onsite for an year or 2, you guys have extra cash, Help you bastards! If you don't, we'll keep showing you pics and tell you stories so you'll not be able to sleep well at nights.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">7) WHY NOT TO MESS AROUND MUCH ON FACEBOOK, because there's Shiv Ji keeping an eye on everything right from the Himalayas. We have proof too.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">8) Visual Representation of how Smoking is Injurious to health, just in case you have not seen the warning on the pack of cigarette ever in your life.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">8) When and Who made India's national anthem as the best national anthem in the world? Mostly everything that India have, had, does, did is always the best in the world. Also, a small lesson on the difference between patriotism and being mindfuckingly Stupid.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">9) We will also take you through the Facebook pics of some randomly selected people and prove that 60% of them will have a Photo Album named "Yaar Anmulle"!!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">10) We'll tell you pointers about How to reply when someone just answers a question about you. This is difficult sometimes because these people are supposedly some kickass mind-readers. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">11) And last would be some videos that no one was able to watch for more than 20 seconds.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Please forward this to 20 people on your friend list and you'll get the love of your life within the next 4 weeks. If you break this chain, shit hits the fan.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div>Ankit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8618771120570090361.post-74979861896849860692012-02-08T13:14:00.002+01:002012-02-08T13:21:41.701+01:00Happy Propose Day! IT style<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">Dear Love,<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">With respect to the High Level Requirements discussed yesterday, please find below the first draft (in points) of the proposal. Request you to go through the same and suggest any changes that you'd like before 13th Feb'12. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">1.<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">Only out-of-the-box functionality will be implemented and followed for the 1st year of the relationship. Any customization like 'meeting the parents' will follow the change management process wherein both parties will have the right to terminate the contract with immediate effect. In case of any such event, both parties are entitled to one last eventful night of wild sex. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">2.<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">Tongue is allowed. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">3.<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">In case you decide you ‘blow’ the system up anytime, well, you are most welcome. I say, job well done!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">4.<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">You will be provided with gifts and surprises once a month. Any further requirement will be treated on the barter system wherein you’d be required to make up for that value, in kind. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">5.<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">Two trips are promised during this period of 1 year. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">6.<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">You’ll not be given access to the credit card at any point in time during this year. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">7.<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">During arguments, you are not allowed to cry. Although, you can use sex as a weapon to win arguments. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">8.<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">We will follow the Webster’s definition of sex. Any variation from any other dictionary or custom made by your group of friends will not be accepted. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">9.<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">No. of times in a week >= 3 (Your choice, if greater than 3, will supersede this rule)<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">10.<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">Any discussion on the topic of marriage is strictly prohibited. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">11.<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">Alternate Saturdays will be naked Saturdays. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">12.<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">The contract is valid only for 1 year, but a support shoulder of 3 weeks will be provided if any party finds it difficult to cope up with the change. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">13.<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">If any party decides to break-up, a 1 month notice period will be served. During the notice period, all the above mentioned points will be followed. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">14.<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">In case both parties are interested to continue the relationship after 1 year, a new contract will be signed. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">Request you to please send in your response before 13</span><sup style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">th</sup><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;"> Feb. This will help in deciding whether to book a table at fine dine restaurant or sports bar for 14</span><sup style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">th</sup><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;"> night.</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Happy Proposal Day!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
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</div></div>Ankit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8618771120570090361.post-20495392992166583912012-01-15T11:06:00.004+01:002012-01-15T16:44:55.862+01:00Reply from Shiv Ji: Ho Na Paayega!!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><i>Please read <a href="http://12ankitarora.blogspot.com/2010/02/letter-to-shiv-ji-ladki-dilao.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Letter to Shiv Ji: Ladki Dilao</span></a> and <a href="http://12ankitarora.blogspot.com/2011/05/letter-to-shiv-ji-part-2-tumhare-bas-ki.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Letter to Shiv Ji: Tumhare bas ki kuchh nahi</span> </a>before this one.</i> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><b>From</b>: Shiv.sarvshaktimaan@bhagwan.com</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><o:p><b>To</b>: Bechara Bandhu </o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><b>Cc</b>: krishna@ladkibaazi.com; ram.diwaliwaala@ihateraavan.com; vishnu@identitycrisis.com; brahma@pervertpops.com; hanuman@puchhwaala.com</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><o:p><b>Subject</b>: Ho Na Paayega!! </o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><o:p><br />
</o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Beta ab to tera kuchh nahi ho paayega <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Akela aaya tha duniya me akela hi jaayega<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Ladki ke saamne aate hi teri seeti gul ho jati hai <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Wo kitne signal deti hai par tere samajh ek nahi aati hai<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Commitment ke naam se hi tujhe paseena aane lagta hai <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Wo paas aati rehti hai aur tu door jaane lagta hai <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Kisi ki naak tedi hai, koi roti to koi hasti zyada hai<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Ulte seedhe bahane deta hai jaise tu bada shehzaada hai<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Ab ladkiya nahi banti humse low treble (trouble) aur high bass waali<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Jo hai jaisi hai kaam chala, nahi hobby dhoondh le koi time pass waali<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Ab aur mail na likhna mujhe main waise hi bada pareshaan hu maan lo <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Parvati ne vish pi liya tha 2 din pehle, kehti “Girls are best jaan lo baat ye maan lo” #FML<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><b>Krishna Ji ka Reply</b>:-<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Oye, bahut maal hai duniya me tu ghabra mat dude<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Ye Shiv pagla gaya hai, faltu me ho raha hai rude<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Aankhen kamzor ho gayi thi, idhar udhar takrata girta hai<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Teesri aankh gayi tel lene, filhaal to chashma laga ke phirta hai.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Tu tension na le mere padhaye paath hamesha yaad rakhna</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Zindagi jeene ke liye bani hai, kar jo karna hai koi gam na rakhna<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Mujhe resource management se hata diya hai aaj kal <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Isliye kuchh kar nahi paaya<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Nahi to tu mera favorite bhakt hai aur<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Line me hoti tere liye Shikha, Shweta aur Maaya!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">2012 apocalypse prediction ki wajah se yaha mahual tense hai </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Vishnu ki fati padi hai aur Ram kehta hai ki sab non-sense hai </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Aaj kal time nahi hai kisi ke paas tumhari fariyaad sunne ka !!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Agar bach gaye to 2013 me yeh mission phir se shuru karenge! chillax ok.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><b>Ram ji ka reply (To Shiv Ji and me) :-</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Shiv, ye kya bachpana va behudgi hai yaar</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Is ladke ke letter me recommendation thi chaar</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Kya main puchh sakta hu isko ab tak ladki kyu nahi di</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Why this kolaveri Shiv, Why this kolaveri, di?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">@Bechara Bandhu</i><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Jaise tumne dekha hoga ki mujhme bahut change aaya hai </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Baat karne ka dhang changed hai aur thoda fun paaya hai</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Waisa hi fun main teri life me kar dunga</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Shiv ne agar kuchh nahi kiya, to ann shann kar dunga!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><b>Vishnu Ji ka reply </b>:-</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">Baalak jaise ki tum jaante ho ki mere paas kuchh kaam nahi hai. Aur logo me mere baare me jaan-ne ka bhi interest ab naa ke barabar hai. Agar TV/media industry kisi ko jaante ho to Vishnu based serial ka idea pitch karo yaar please :) Thanks in advance :D</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><br />
</span></div></div>Ankit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8618771120570090361.post-58600613083941881432012-01-13T18:50:00.003+01:002012-01-14T19:21:11.695+01:00Priceless!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Californian FB', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I had a professor once who used to speak & write in alliterations & in a language that I am supposed to believe, was English. May be he is still the same. I don’t know. But what I do know is that I hardly ever understood a word of what he said except for nouns and prepositions. Because not only he used to speak in alliterations, his fucking vocabulary could easily put even some of the most sophisticated and brilliant writers to shame. The funniest of all was when; once he attended one of our batch parties where an insignificant being like me had a performance scheduled. It all went well until the next day he stopped me on the stairs and said something, which by his expressions seemed as if he was appreciating my performance the other day, but it could easily have been the reminder that I am yet to submit my weekly assignment. What do I know?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Californian FB', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Californian FB', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">There is a reason I am telling you all this. I recently met a girl exactly like my professor. Don't get me wrong, I am referring him only and only with respect to his obsession I explained earlier. She's a friend of mine. If not for this habit, she could easily be the perfect girl friend material. That twinkle in the eye, killer smile, nose ring, hot as shit, and horny! But damn this alliteration ruined it all. The difference this time is, I am able to comprehend what she is saying, but I don’t want to. She speaks rubbish and it's irritating. The problem is that it has gone beyond just alliteration. Her vocabulary is far too sophisticated and extensive for my liking. When I say my day was bad, all I want is sex, not some 1100 synonyms to explain the same feeling. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Californian FB', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><i><span style="font-family: 'Californian FB', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">(To all my younger brothers and sisters reading this, please ignore the previous sentence. We don’t do stuff like this in our family ok. We are magic people, remember? Be good. And 1 more thing, DO NOT READ MY BLOGS. It’s all a lie, just to get some followers. You will understand this when you grow up. Now go and prepare for your Unit Test tomorrow. Bye)<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><i><span style="font-family: 'Californian FB', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Californian FB', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Yeah back to reality!<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Californian FB', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Californian FB', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">So I decided that I’ll tell her about this annoying habit of hers the next day. But, the next day, she wore this white embroidered suit with a blue stole, a clip on the hair to hold them back from one side, the other side falling over her eye which she’d fling back with her fingers ever so lightly. Ahh god damn it, here I am, came to tell her how annoying she can be at times, but falling in love instead. I couldn’t do it; couldn’t even say a word. But a solution needs to be found. And then, right at that moment, the perfect solution hit me. Ear Buds. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Californian FB', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Californian FB', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">To take her out for a nice evening dinner & drinks: Rs 5000<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Californian FB', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">To not be able to listen to a word she says: Priceless<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Californian FB', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></div></div>Ankit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8618771120570090361.post-45721319523560314492011-10-21T17:58:00.005+02:002011-10-21T20:30:39.390+02:00A little bit of EVIL in my life!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 16px;"></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Am I a good person? I don’t think so. Doesn’t appear like that to me. But I haven’t done much worse either. More or less it’s been a balanced life. What got me thinking though was the fuck load of a discussion 2 guys were having about Heaven and Hell on a bus journey from my one office campus to the other, sitting next to me, a few days back. But those were puerile discussions, it was like listening to Harbhajan and Sreesanth discussing rising prices of tomatoes. It was going nowhere. I didn’t gain much out of it, so I started building some blocks on my own.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">Heaven, for me, is like getting into a highly reputed institute, where 85% seats are reserved for lower castes as they didn’t get enough opportunities in their lives to organize aartis, bhajans, havans and the likes. So they’d now have to do it face to face. That is, praise thy lord. Heaven, if such a thing really exists, I am sorry to be the one to bring this to you, but most of us are not going to make the cut. But, do we really need to? And if yes, what does it depend upon? I would assume it has something to do with goodness of a being. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;">Goodness but, is nothing more than a beautifully flawed concept. As they say, ‘</span><i style="color: #333333;">the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist</i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;">’’. Well, he does exist and it’s called Goodness, righteousness, morality, integrity and everything that you have ever thought of to be of any good.</span><i style="color: red;"> </i>God, in fact, wants us to be wicked. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;">According to Newton’s 3</span><sup style="color: #333333;">rd</sup><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"> Law; every action has an equal and opposite reaction. And if that’s true, which I guess most people consider it to be, the chivalry, the selflessness, the philanthropy, and in fact every deed of moral righteousness and integrity that you perform attracts an equal and opposing act of loutishness, self-centeredness,</span><span style="color: #333333;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;">wickedness and the so called terrorist acts of the world. </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Actio et reactio</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;">. Now would I want this world to go through that tragedy, destruction and dismal performances by mortal beings, I ask myself? No, absolutely not! Especially when my actions determine how things pan out around me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">Just because someone lured us with the notion of heaven, doesn’t mean I go around helping strangers, be nice to them, when clearly it has dire consequences. Who knows what form the opposite reaction might take? It could take the form of a suicide bomber, although the intensity has to be the same as that of the action, so probably they’ll not blow up the twin towers, rather blow up the fictional twin towers from Lord of the Rings which would be heartbreak for millions of fans around the world. That counts for something. Right?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 115%;">Not that I don’t want to be good now or that I don’t want to help people around. I do. And that is exactly why I </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;">shouldn't.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 115%;"> Because I put something positive out there in the world, someone else has to balance it out with something completely opposite. It would make someone meaner and rude. I don’t want that now, do I? I care about the world enough to not give a shit anymore.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">For every particle; there’s anti particle. For every matter; there’s anti matter.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">For every girl I ever loved, I had my heart broken.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">For every glorious cricket shot I played, someone tried to kill me with a fucking beamer.</span></i></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">For everything that you DO, there's someone who does the opposite. </span></i></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><br />
</span></i></span></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">This brings us to the most important and the path breaking question of our lives. The corollary!! If every action has an equal and opposite reaction and every positive action has a negative reaction associated; then clearly, every negative action is bound to induce and stimulate a positive chain of events and actions. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">Now if you think of it, it is a revolutionary idea. The more you destroy, the more people will attempt to build. The more you disintegrate and disrupt, the more people will join hands to fight it. What defines the level of positive change is directly proportional to the levels of harm done. History has been a proof of this. Crimes are single handedly responsible for most of the technological advancements in the world. It forced geeks, who retort to a laid back attitude after a minor success in the world of technology, to comeback with a brilliant idea that could fucking blow your mind. Advancements are the reaction and Criminals acts as a catalyst. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">During World War II, US dropped bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki and Japan surrendered on 15<sup>th</sup> August 1945. But that is just half a story. What followed was a period of record economic growth for 45 continuous years for Japan, something that the world has never seen before. And this is just one example, there are many more. We are just interpreting the messages wrong all this time. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">If an act, even though negative, can bring about a positive reaction in the world then I am going to be a part of it. And you all should be too. This is our chance to make peace in the world by destroying as much possible within our powers. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">Sacrificing my own chances of a door to heaven is the only choice I have got left which my conscience would allow. My goal is as lucid as it has ever been. I can imagine the change molding into something people have always dreamt of. World Peace! And the way to world peace is destruction. Self annihilation. Ruthlessness. Brutality. The only difference between a hero and a villain is press coverage. I am ready to take that leap of faith into the dungeon of ignorance and self loathing, just because it brings a change in your life. I don’t want the press coverage. I want change. I am going to make your life better, by trying my best to devoid you of any life whatsoever. I am going to be your HERO and the world’s VILLAIN. I am the key that take you to heaven. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">I am going to be a criminal. I am going to be a scoundrel. I am going to get EVIL. Also, they often seem to possess cool gadgets, sexy cars, girls in bikinis around, magic wands, boundless stocks of alcohol and what not. What if not Heaven? Hell is the closest thing they have got to themselves. See ya there. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">There, I just killed a mosquito. Bam!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 10.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></span></div></div></div>Ankit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8618771120570090361.post-30575404162403039622011-10-03T18:05:00.007+02:002011-10-21T13:36:31.998+02:00Chatting ka Punchnama<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">At some point or the other in life we all feel the need of standing up to what we believe and go ahead and conquer that without the fear of falling, failing or flailing. In my case, it was the feeling to stand up and choke the bloody life out of my marketing lecturer for one fucked up lecture during my MBA days. But that is just me, you see. I didn't do it, if you are wondering. Also, with time I have come to realize, it was not completely the lecturer’s fault. People ARE boring and there is no cure for that. They do wierd things; they spell ‘weird’ as ‘wierd’, but that is all part of the bigger shit that hits you when you pretend to be interested in their shit. The biggest mistake one can ever make is; pretend to be interested. Never do that. In long term, you’d want to cut yourself down to pieces for doing that. But more than anything else, I hate people who under some inexplicable peer pressure start some fucked up blog and post some bullshit where the first paragraph makes absolutely no sense whatsoever to anyone.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">I am not one of them. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">The purpose of this blog is to unravel the mysteries of chatting. Reason: I am a cynic. I don’t like too many friends. I like offending people. Facebook is completely fucked up. The only way I can attend to all these, is by blasting some people on internet through my blog. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">So, let’s get to it. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">Before I move on to the larger picture of a boy fancying his chances with a girl via online chatting and its minute details, let’s just dedicate a minute to a guy chatting with another guy; or what Zoya Akhtar would call Bromance 2.0<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: red; font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">This is how an average conversation between 2 guys goes</span><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">:-<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">M1 - Bhai, kaisa hai?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">M2 - Bhai ek dum badiya, tu suna?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">M1 – Bhai main bhi badiya.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">(ek lamba sannata………..)<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">M2 – chal bhai main tujhe call karunga, aaram se baat karenge…chalta hu abhi<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">M1 – Ok theek hai, bbyee<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">M2( stares at ‘bbyee’ for a couple of minutes with an extremely disgusted look for the sin that M1 has committed by the mere mention of more than 1 ‘b’ and more than 1 ‘e’.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">This brings us to our first rule:-<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">Important</span></b><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">: For guys: Avoid saying bye, both to a guy and a girl for that matter. If at all you feel the need for the same; restrict yourself to ‘bye’. Additional b’s and e’s are unacceptable in the online society. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">Now we come to the part which chatting industry is built around, which I personally call, prepping the prospect. The points mentioned below are not suggestions. These are certain behavior patterns that I have noticed in people and my own conclusions based on them. You may disagree, but you see, I don’t generally give a fuck about what you think. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">Point 1</span></b><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">: What irritates the hell out of the other person is the initial “how are you”? If you don’t have anything better to say at first, you shouldn’t be chatting to him/her at the first place. But if you still have the khujli to do that, go to his/her Facebook account, find out the likes and dislikes or whatever, and search on the net about recent news on those topics and then ping with some interesting conversation opener. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b><i><span style="color: red; font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">Rule 1: </span></i></b><i><span style="color: red; font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">Never say “how are you?” As human beings we are not supposed to worry about other people's well being. Focus on your selfish motives and carry on with your life. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="height: 44px; left: 0px; margin-left: 19px; margin-top: 134px; position: absolute; width: 208px; z-index: -1;"><img height="44" src="file:///C:\Users\SONY\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\clip_image001.gif" v:shapes="_x0000_s1026" width="208" /></span><b><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">Point 2: </span></b><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">‘Reply Time’. This is tricky business. The perfect ‘reply time’ varies from ‘immediately’ to ‘30 seconds’ (extreme case). Beyond this it is referred to as ‘dead chat’ and the person waiting now has the liberty to close the chat window and pursue further leads. Generally what I have observed is that the speed with which you reply is directly proportional to your ‘Interest Level (IL)’ in the other person and inversely proportional to the square of your ‘Successful Closure Probability (SCP)’<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"> Reply Time </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">α</span><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"> (IL)/ (SCP)<sup> 2</sup><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b><i><span style="color: red; font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">Rule2:</span></i></b><i><span style="color: red; font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"> This is not a rule. This is a suggestion. ‘’Masturbate’.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">Point 3</span></b><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">: ‘Online Status’- Currently we follow these conventions; ‘Available’, ‘busy’, ‘idle’ and ‘offline or invisible’. There has already been a lot of research done regarding the first 3 statuses, if you search the net you’ll find enough if you are interested. I’ll discuss upon the last but the trickiest one ‘offline or invisible’. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">Never trust the person who mostly remains on ‘invisible’ mode. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">Problems:-</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">a) You can’t ping them. If you still do, you sound desperate</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: small;">b) </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">When a person is online, you can easily deduce their Interest Levels by analyzing their ‘Reply Time’, which is impossible in this case. As even though you might suspect they are online, there is no hard evidence and hence no case. The other party is not liable for any emotional trauma caused.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">Although exceptions are also present in this scenario. ‘Invisibility’ can often be classified as a sign of faithfulness. But this ideology is yet to be put under scrutiny and pressure situations. I have not yet reached a conclusion on this. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b><i><span style="color: red; font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">Rule3: </span></i></b><i><span style="color: red; font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">Avoid chatting to people who generally stay on ‘invisible’ mode. It could mean a lot of things and in most cases, none of these things benefits you. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">Point 4: </span></b><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">Last, the world of ‘Hiiiii’, Tk Cr, Cya, C u Soon, Sleep well, Gn, smileys and lot more. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">Guys while chatting don’t usually do all this. This ain’t our business. And I can say it with absolute certainty that even while chatting with a girl we don’t want to get into the trivialities of greetings and goodbyes. Personally, I hate this. If there is a possibility of seeing you soon, I’ll see you soon. Do not fuck write C U SOON at the end of every chat.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">I don’t take care of myself. I absolutely don't. And I don’t even listen to my mom on this topic. What makes you think I’ll listen to you? It’s Ok once in a while but if you do it more than few notable times, you are getting blocked. If I tell you to take care, warn me. If I do it again, block. I don’t mind. But strict rules apply here vice-versa. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">You get the gist right? Apply the same cynical thinking on rest of the issues and you write the rest of the article yourself. Someone just pinged me, I have to go reply.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b><i><span style="color: red; font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">Rule4</span></i></b><i><span style="color: red; font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">: Nobody gives a damn about this. <o:p></o:p></span></i><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><i><br />
</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><i>In other news: I don't like people watching TV on high volumes. If not for my flatmate doing the same right now, I'd have published the post half an hour back. Arghh!</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><i><br />
</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">*Added Later*</span> </b></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><i><b><br />
</b></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><b>Point 5:</b> <span style="font-style: italic;"> </span>Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus. That’s what we have heard, and people would argue that on this very basis they can explain their respective behavior to most extents. I want to know, why has nobody ever tried to explain the behavior of a couple? You know why, because that is not fucking possible. When Mars and Venus collide; the shit it generates is equivalent to a FB status of ‘In a Relationship’. This marks the start of the most bizarre journey in a person’s life, at least as far as Chatting is concerned (that is what the post is about, remember?)<i>.</i></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">I’ll not go into microscopic details here but I would like to mention a few of my concerns here:-<i><o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><i><br />
</i></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><i> </i>1)</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 9px;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">WTF is a Jaanu? <i><o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><i> </i>2)</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 9px;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><u><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">Jaanu, aaj kya khaaya?</span></u></span><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"> -> If you are concerned about my health, I’ll send you my complete medical history and will get you in touch with my family doctor, but don’t ever ask me “kya khaaya?” please. I am an IT employee; we generally eat in our office food court, Rs 40 meal (I prefer a North Indian meal, if you want the complete menu day-wise, I can arrange for that) but please don’t ask this again. We are done on this one<i>.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><o:p> </o:p></span> </i></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><i> </i>3) </span><u><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">Jaanu, aaj kya pehna hai?</span></u><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"> -> Are you kidding me? I mean, seriously? What is it, some kind of virtually-simulated-sex-scene-scenario where we need to know what either of us is wearing so we know exactly what to undress? Don’t worry about that! And a conversation on this should never focus on what each of us is wearing. In fact it should be the other way round. “Aaj _____ mat pehno na jaanu, maza aayega na jaanu” (and if you are talking dirty, add as many jaanu as you want, who the fuck cares anyway)!<i><o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;">There is a lot of other stuff that could have been discussed here, but I am relatively less bothered by all that as of now, so I am refraining from that. If that becomes a nuisance, I’ll be back with more on this topic. <i><o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif;"><b>Note</b>: Aaj maine white shorts pehni hai; grey t-shirt ke saath. Zyada detail chahiye to call kar lo.<i><o:p></o:p></i></span></div><br />
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</i></span></div></div>Ankit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8618771120570090361.post-62569916908491019842011-08-24T21:05:00.003+02:002011-08-24T21:09:23.412+02:00I Like Strangers !!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 20px;">I like strangers. I really do. In my list of people I like the most, I don’t even know the Top 5 ones. But they are the best. They know I don’t like talking much, so they never call. Even if I call, they act as if they don’t recognize me and then yell ‘wrong number’ a couple of times, call me an idiot and slam the phone. Classy isn’t it? I am not certain why they do that but I have a feeling it’s in my best interest. I just love them. In fact so much that I sometimes dream about them.</span></div></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I like dreaming too. Sometimes, when I am unable to sleep, I dream. Just for the heck of it you know, to piss sleep off. If I was given a choice to be in command over my dreams, you know who I’d ban from my dreams? Relatives!! - They ALWAYS ask you about the same 5 things. Even in dreams. 1) How’s health? 2) How’s work? 3) When are you coming back home? 4) Why do you never call? 5) When are you getting married? – Strangers on the other hand, take you as you are. They believe in you. They never ask these stupid questions. I’d like my relatives to meet these strangers someday. May be they’d learn a couple of things and some more.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Smile is a magnificent thing. I like people smiling. That’s why I like friends. They smile when they look at you. What I don’t like is what they do right after they smile. They come and talk. I don’t like that one bit. They come, they talk, make you feel like you are important to them, and tell their fucked up love stories, then ask whether you had lunch and stuff like that. As if you ought to know all this, always. Strangers don’t do that. They look at you, smile and move on. You see, that’s what I am talking about. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Know whom I like the most? Myself. If only Shahid Kapoor had said “main apna favorite hu” in Jab we met, I might have given you a better reference point. But anyways, I like myself. Things I do, the way I do it. What I don’t like is the fact that sometimes I am accountable to myself. I am disgusted at that. Sometimes there are situations when I am trapped between the desire to do something and the invariable internal strife from my own Tyler Durden asking me not to act on it. Just that, in this case Tyler is a fucking moral righteousness agent who makes me feel like I am some crazy evil son of a bitch. That’s why I want to move away. Like strangers do. I want to do it to myself. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I would just like to drift, shift away from myself, at a calm place, smile, dream with my eyes wide open to let the sleep fall from the corner drop by drop, taking my identity away with it, and would help me just become, A Stranger.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div>Ankit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8618771120570090361.post-35049151794709054312011-07-06T17:03:00.010+02:002011-07-24T09:22:06.089+02:00Marriage and Fucktardedness!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">This post is for all those who recently got married or will be getting married in near future. I don't have any experience of how the mental state of a couple gets affected post-marriage but I do have some sample data collected in the last couple of years, courtesy <i>some friends (read acquaintances) </i>on Facebook. I have some advice to dispense here now. Not that anyone likes to be advised but enough is enough. I am tired of being dragged into your personal lives by the means of photos, updates, links, babies, photo contests and blah! Please listen to me; it’s for your greater good. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">1)</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span><b><u><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Photos</span></u></b><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">- We get it. You are getting married. You don't need to put up all the pics from roka to engagement, mehandi, pre-wedding, wedding, reception et all. I don't know your family and have no interest of doing so either. There is a reason I didn't come to attend the marriage. So, unless your younger sister is sexy as shit, please don't upload those mind-fucked pics. But you still won't listen, I know. Do us a favor at least. Don't just dump the whole fcuk album out there, make the effort of selecting a worthy few and then put it up you jackass. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Also, your honeymoon is your honey-fucking-moon. We know you fucked. Unless you made a tape and are willing to share, don't mess up my Facebook account with 157 photos of your trip and all of them being cheesy kinks. The sheer number of pics you guys take of yourself by that auto-click (that too in the hotel bedroom), just makes me wonder what is it that you actually got married for? Photos? Seriously?</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">2)</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span><b><u><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">The messed-up-name theory</span></u></b><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">- I don't get it okay. I seriously don't. Whats up with this you take my name, I take your name stuff?. According to you, if I get married to a Priya or a Pooja, I should name myself Ankit Pooja Arora. Are you fucking kidding me? This is not all. Some of you take this even further. You dickheads decide to have common social networking accounts. Just one question here, what happens in case you guys get divorced. Who gets to keep the account? May be there’s a prenuptial agreement or something to include this, “Honey, I get to keep the kids, you’ll handle the social faux pas”. I get the ‘love’ and all that crap people do in love. But this? Whom do you do it for anyways? Didn't you just show your love for each other by getting married? I am pissed off at this fuck-all infinitum. If you don’t see this is as sheer stupidity, then do whatever the fuck you gotta do. Wear each other's underwear for all I care. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; tab-stops: 367.7pt; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">3)</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span><b><u><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Not all kids are cute</span></u></b><b><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></b><b><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">-</span></b><b><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">This is not your fault actually. This is hardwired I guess. A new born baby has got to be</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span><i><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">beautiful, cute, sweet</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">and all that, Right? Look at him, isn’t he cute?, isn’t he?- Abso-fucking-lutely (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">To fellow Pissed off people: The best way to diplomatically handle this situation is to say, “He/She looks just like you, No seriously, just like you”, now whatever that means</i>). Is this not enough that we say all these nice stuff when he/she is born that you go ahead and make your kid participate in who’s the cutest contest?, WTF? I bet in future your kid will make you participate in who is more retarded, my mom or my dad contest? </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">But I seriously believe, it's not all your fault on this one. I mean, I have never seen someone pointing it out either. Imagine someone saying "Holy crap dude! This is your son? Jeez. He looks like shit man. I didn't know God even makes them like these anymore. How did you do it? Did you keep on changing the positions while doing it? His face looks kind of twisted man". </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">4)</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span><b><u><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Contests</span></u></b><b><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> -</span></b><b><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Who the fuck are you, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? Why do you keep participating in all these contests guys? If you think you are the perfect couple, good for you. Why do you need that constant affirmation from your friends on that? Bring this to an end alright. I ask this nicely because couples like to hear and believe that they look perfect together, may be you do or may be you are just fucktardically stupid. Who am I to say? I’ll pray to whomsoever required, will bribe if need be, to make you guys win if that ensures a once and for all end to this.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">5)</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span><b><u><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">PDA</span></u></b><b><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> -</span></b><b><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I swear on my newly bought Apple iTouch that if there's one thing I can't stand, it’s PDA! More so, if you are already married. I get it when I see a 3rd year engineering guy cozing up with a 2nd year DU chick at central park. I do. These guys are short of space. But you? You guys are married for fuck's sake. Show some decency. That's all I ask.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">This is it for now. Have a happy married life.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">To, <o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Future Mrs. Arora. <o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Please don't be mad at me after reading this post. I promise, I'll let you upload all these stupid pics and stuff wherever and whenever you like. I’ll change my name to Samantha, Simran, Sunita, Anita, whatever the fuck you ask. We'll name our babies (I say babies, my only wish) as derivatives of your name, so they'll automatically be cute and all that. We'll participate in all these contests too and will send requests to the complete friends list to like our entry. And last, we'll make love in that fucking central park if that’s what you want. I love you Mrs. Arora, in advance. </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Yours truly, </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Mr. (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>fill whatever you like</u></i>) Arora</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
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</span></div></div>Ankit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8618771120570090361.post-45080704244158611722011-05-25T16:49:00.008+02:002012-01-15T13:42:58.876+01:00Letter to Shiv Ji (Part 2) : Tumhare bas ki kuchh nahi !!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>This post is a sequel to "Letter to ShivJi: Ladki Dilao" which I wrote about an year back. Those you haven't read that one, click <a href="http://12ankitarora.blogspot.com/2010/02/letter-to-shiv-ji-ladki-dilao.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">here</span></a>.</i></div></div><div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
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<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">To: shiv.golibaaz@dassliya.com<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Cc: krishna@BackInTheGame.com ; vishnu@identityfu**ingcrisis.com ; brahma@pervertpops.com; naarad@haraamkhori.com<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Bcc : dhritrashtra@buddha-hoga-tera-baap.com; karan@trust-issues.com; shakunimama@dkbose.com; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Subject: Tumhare bas ki kuchh nahi hai (Ref: Ladki Dilao) !!</span></b><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Yaar bhagwan, tum sunte to ho nahi <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Kitne mail likhu, reply karte to ho nahi <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Khud dhoondh lunga ab aur hota nahi wait<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Tumhare chakkar me waise hi bahut ho gaya late<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Ab tumse thodi si madat ki umeed karta hu <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Goli na dena is baar bas yahi fariyaad karta hu <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Thoda bahut samaan chahiye wo jaldi bhej do mujhe ab <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Merc ya Audi chalegi, scooter nahi chala sakta main ab <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Waise ek pasand aayi hai office me saath kaam karti hai <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Date pe chalne ke liye puchho to haye tauba raam karti hai <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Yaar suno aisi ladkiyo ko ab to thodi akal de daalo <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Main tab tak lukkho ki tarah ghoomu kuchh to karo saalo (<i>sorry bhagwan kuchh aur fit nahi hua</i>)<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">@Krishna </span></b><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Dekho bhai, tumhara bataya koi funda kaam nahi aaya hai <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Jisko ghumane le gaya tha, kamini ne bech ke khaaya hai <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Jeb me phooti kodi nahi aur bank account hai khaali<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Laxmi ji se setting hai to bhejo gaddi hazaar waali<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Achha ek aur baat karni thi mujhe tumse kaam ki <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Mail aayi thi "Testimonial likho" karke mujhe Raam ki<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Ab mumma maanti hai unhe to ye likhna to padega <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Tum naraaz na hona warna mera BP aur badhega <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
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</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Krishna Ji Replied</span></b><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">:- <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Teri setting ke chakkar me baalak 1-2 mujhe pasand aayi hai <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Barso se mere soone mann pe raunak phir chhayi hai <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Tu apni setting ki tension khud le ab, main to chala <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Abhi to meri bhi ho sakti hai, phir teri kyu sochu bhala <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Jaane se pehle ek raaz bata ke jaata hu <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Jitna tujhe bata raha hu, itna kisi ko nahi batata hu <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Zindagi me asli mohabbat kismat waalo ko bat-ti hai <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Ladki paisa gaadi se nahi, jigar waalo se pat-ti hai <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Funda bahut simple hai dost, ladki ko khush karne ka hai <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Phool le ke seedha paas jaane ka, aur nahi darne ka hai <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Thodi tareeef ke saath baat batane ka dil ki bindaas<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Nahi maani to palat raasta pahuch jaa doosri ke paas<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
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</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">--------------------------------------------------------------------------<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Naarad forwarded the mail to ram@diwaliwala.com !! (<i>f**k you naarad)</i><o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><i><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span></i><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Ram Ji Replied</span></b><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">:<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Yaar ye to badi hi galat baat hai tumhari <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Maana Sita ko nahi lagta par kuchh izzat hai hamari<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Testimonial tumne nahi likhna to na likho yaar<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Aise shikayat na lagao Krishna se hamari baar baar (<i>and now I feel bad too</i>)<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Aaj bhi Hanuman tumhare hi kaam pe gaya hai <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Main tab bhi kaha tha ki wo thoda naya hai.......<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>time lagega</i><o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Achha suno, I don't think it's working out with Sita <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">What do you suggest, bhool jaau kya purana har pal beeta ?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Dhamkiya deti hai jab bhi main Open Marriage ki baat karta hu<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Raavan phir se utha ke le jaaye ab bas yahi dua karta hu (#RaavanCustomerCare)<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><i><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Aur wo Testimonial isliye maanga tha, kyuki mujhe Brahma ki job ke liye apply karna hai (Brahma ji resign kar rahe hai).</span></i><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
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</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Vishnu Ji Replied</span></b><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">:-<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">WTF dude, didn't I mention in the last mail that I am on bench these days ? Kindly don't Cc me in any such mail again.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>Waise bhi kuchh kaam nahi hai, upar se mujhe ye personal issues me ghusa ghusa ke pareshaan kar daala hai.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div></div></div><div><div style="text-align: left;"><i><u><a href="http://12ankitarora.blogspot.com/2012/01/reply-back-from-shiv-ji-ho-na-paayega.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Click here</span></a> to read the next post <b>"Reply from Shiv Ji: Ho Na Paayega!!"</b></u></i></div></div><div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div></div></div>Ankit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8618771120570090361.post-1607971103846107782011-05-17T19:09:00.002+02:002011-05-18T15:23:26.202+02:00Facebook is my Mom; Twitter is my Dad !<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">The moment I log-on to Twitter, I can hear my dad shouting "Look at all those kids, look how many of their tweets are getting re-tweeted by people all around the world and look at you! You don't even have enough followers to begin with. <i>Wasting life sitting in front of laptop doing nothing</i> (I love it <span style="background-color: #ffff33;"></span><span style="background-color: #ffff33;"></span>when my dad speaks the Twitter language). You know, my colleague Bhatia ji tells me that her daughter has 4500 followers on Twitter". The trick now is to stop listening and think about Bhatia uncle's daughter. Partly because I have had enough of what Twitter has to say and partly because I can't tell my dad that his colleague's daughter is one fuckawesome piece of hotness and hence, the no. of followers (not to mention that I am one of them). </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Facebook is different. Once I posted this on Facebook "<i>Reached home early today from office</i>" and bam!! 11 'likes' and 8 comments within a blink of an eye. People I don't remember adding to my friend list, people I didn't know even existed, people who have no idea how far is my home from office (just 5 mins walk, btw), and people who just like everything I post, they are all there for support. No matter what I do on Facebook, there is someone always there to like it. Reminds me of maa. I come home early, come late, fail an exam, top one, get into a fight with someone, give peace lessons in school, it does not matter. She loves me irrespective of what I am, what I could have been, what I can be or even if I become a member of Al-Qaeda (<i>to fellow bloggers, see this is how SEO works</i>). No, not Al-Qaeda, that was just too much. </span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Your mom sets short term goals for you; that, you get through your day happily and sleep well at night is her major concern every single day. Facebook wants that for you too. Their whole business model is to convince people that "<i>You don't know how many friends you have, we know it better</i>". So, friends you may know, friends of friends you may know, photographs your friends commented on, photographs they did not comment on but should have, Facebook gives you all. Kind of like your mom sending you pics of random girls some random people suggested to her, hoping you'd just look at one of them and say "here it is, future Mrs. ____" !! </span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">My dad is the complete opposite. He is like a boys' hostel warden who'd never let any girl walk into the hostel. Ever. And for all my friends he does not like there's an altogether different plan. "<i>He who comes back after being thrown out of the house insulted, is a real friend</i>", thats his theory. Beat that now. A perfect recipe for a tragic childhood. That's what Twitter does to you too, it puts you in an auto-screening mode where you end up following people that your dad would have wanted you to. No bullshitting around whatsoever. Twitter has a long term plan for you. It says "<i>Nothing comes in this world for free, not even followers. Improvement is the key</i>". All a dad ever wants for his son is a little hope; hope, that one day his son will be the Greatest in some field. Not a bad thought actually, but look at me, do I look like I could ever be the greatest in anything except, if given a chance, sleeping. Clearly, my dad does not have realistic goals. </span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">My mom isn't a realist either. She is a believer. "<i>Bhagwan me vishwas rakho</i>" is like one of her favorite lines. Believes what she has to believe in. Thinks that I am the most intelligent/handsome/creative/<wbr></wbr>funny guy in my whole group of friends but sometimes I am just not working to my potential. That's the world she lives and believes in. At times I want to live in that world too. That is when I log on to Facebook. Chat with someone, look into few videos copied from youtube all of them titled '<i>funniest video ever</i>', browse though friend's honeymoon pics, post which is a period of ROFLMAOing for while (If collated, someone can make a TV series out of all these pics 'How my friends became dads or atleast tried to!' or may be a show on AXN 'Top 50 scenes from 'THE BIG BANG THEORY'), make sarcastic remarks on some, and then log off just when it starts to become a little overwhelming. </span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Mom thinks I am intelligent, Dad thinks I am going to be some day. I think, they both are wrong. Clearly, they have no idea what sites I visit the most !</span></div><br />
</div>Ankit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8618771120570090361.post-21401612178999140352011-05-09T19:57:00.005+02:002011-06-18T22:56:34.239+02:00Commitment Check : Failed !<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">"Alright then, lets meet up at 4:00", she said and confirmed our date. This was my first date since my break-up about an year back. I was a little nervous but tried to keep my calm by humming my favorite songs. Kind of a weird habit that, but true. Keeps my mind off things. I called her back again to confirm the movie she wanted to watch so I could book the tickets. "Whatever you like", she said. I don't really understand answers like these, the ones that put you in a spot. I don't even like watching movies for heavens sake and now she wanted me to guess her taste in movies. This is not going to go well, I thought. After 20 minutes or so I finally decided, Thor.</div></div><div><div style="text-align: justify;">I left my place at 3:00. The multiplex is like 20 minutes from my place and I knew I'd be reaching too early there and would have to then wait. I don't know what but something still made me do it. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">'<i>main karu to saala character dheela hai</i>' , the song kept playing in my head for a while. Damn!, I know why, I said to myself. <i>Last I remember, I was watching this song on TV before leaving and I guess I forgot to switch it off too</i>. Not good, not good. She should be here any moment and I am thinking about my television. Think something else, think something else. 4'o clock, she hadn't arrived yet. I thought of getting myself something to eat. Hadn't had anything since morning that day. Some butter corn and chicken roll it it is then. I like chicken roll, except that they don't roll it anymore, It's more like a chicken sandwich now. I don't like sandwiches. Darn, focus! </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I don't like waiting for people at the first place and given the extreme heat of Delhi, this wait was both boring and exhausting at the same time. Add to that, I was kind of fidgety already that day. There was still some time for the movie. I noticed a couple standing next to me. I couldn't see the girl's face as it was mostly covered by her long black lustrous hair. Nice, overall. A lot of other things were nice too, but lets just not discuss them. The guy I was not interesting in seeing for obvious reasons. Judging by all the nervousness in his voice that day, it could have been me for all I know. They were arguing over something, I realized. Not adhering to the social etiquettes and after a few minutes of eavesdropping I figured that the girl was not particularly happy about he-not-talking-about-marriage stuff. I was kind of enjoying it a little as<b> Akanksha (</b><i>my date</i><b>)</b> was not here yet. So I continued listening to their conversation trying to maintain a poker face all this while. I like poker too. Nice game. Strip poker is awesome. Ahhh Focus. Concentration is a bitch. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>Girl </b>: Are you ever gonna talk about this or not ? We have been dating for like 3 years now, Amey. You freak out everytime I start this. We have to speak about this someday, don't we?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>Amey </b>: I know, I know, <b>Sonia</b>. And we'll speak about this when that day comes. Right now it does freak me out. I am not ready for marriage yet.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>Sonia</b> : Who is asking you to marry right now dammit ? What's the harm in talking to our parents beforehand. My parents have started looking around and I don't want to keep our relationship a secret to them any longer. But you have to speak to your parents before I talk to mine.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>Amey </b>: Why do I have to speak to my parents first ? Why, is that a rule or something ? (<i>I don't like rules. My father like rules. My father is strict. Army is probably a good profession for him. But army families have to travel a lot and I don't like travel. I guess all is fine this way only</i>). Please please (<i>stresses</i>), I don't want to speak about this right now.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>Sonia</b> : Not now, not ever. And I'll tell you what the rule is, go fuck yourself. I am leaving!. I am not in a mood now for the movie. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>Amey </b>: What the fuck is wrong with you ?(<i>He didn't actually say that but he should have. Anyways, I have always wanted to use this line on someone).</i> Don't be an idiot. I am asking you to just give me some time.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>Sonia</b> : I am asking for the same, now. Take you time and call me only when you are ready to speak about this and when you are sure we have a future together. I need a break. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>Amey</b> : Sonia, don't do this. All I am saying is .......................</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Someone kept calling my name.... <b>Amey...Amey..Amey</b>!!!... It was Akanksha. She was there. She looked beautiful. I told her that. She smiled, held my hand and we went in for the movie. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div></div>Ankit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8618771120570090361.post-24721065709935282632011-03-01T16:34:00.004+01:002011-03-02T19:53:21.368+01:00Find me if you can !!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">About a year back one of my friends (let’s call him X) was going through a really bad phase. 180 phase difference to be exact. Imagine, he tried drawing a right angled triangle once and it turned out to be a left angled one. Wtf? This has got to hurt man. It is rare to find people in such bad shape. All this came as a bummer to him and he decided not to indulge himself in drawing any kind of trigonometric shapes whatsoever. He worked in an interior design company ‘Tri-Go Private Limited’ their tagline is ‘we draw your lines’<i> (this one is for the trivia freaks</i>). ‘Right angled triangles could sometimes be a two edged sword, it hurts when it doesn’t turn out right’, said the company HR.</span></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">‘X’, feeling humiliated after the incident decided to quit the company and start something on his own. But due to his prior commitment to the company and having had signed the lifetime bond, he unfortunately could not quit. The company, however, well verse with the mental pressure people goes through in this business, decided to give him a raise for his dedication towards the company in all these years. His in-hand salary was then made a function of the salaries of the next two highest stakeholders in the company. Let’s call them Y (male) & Z (female).</span></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> ______________________</span></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">X (salary) = _/ Y (salary)^2 + Z (salary)^2</span></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">** C is the performance index. See diagram for details</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-pvAGWbp5ObE/TW0PklGlj5I/AAAAAAAAB0Q/qmsrb5d3CGk/s1600/Untitled.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-pvAGWbp5ObE/TW0PklGlj5I/AAAAAAAAB0Q/qmsrb5d3CGk/s1600/Untitled.jpg" style="cursor: move;" /></a></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">With an exponential increase in his salary component, he suddenly became one of the most sought after commodity in the office by the fairer sex. Soon enough he was bestowed upon with the pleasures of having a girlfriend. ‘Z’- The Girlfriend (apparently was the next highest salary drawer in the company after ‘X’). The love was in the air. Everything was going just perfect until one day; X made a homemade video- MMS (which Z didn’t know of) and floated it around. The MMS was named ‘Sexy (Sec C) – X on Z!!</span></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Z, understandably got extremely upset after this ‘pardafaash’ incident and decided to break off the relationship. X, the hypotenuse, had the most important realization of his life after that, ‘whenever you get a chance to touch the base (here, Z), Have Fun but Do Not Advertise’.</span></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">All said and done, X was actually in love with Z. His immature behavior earlier made him do stupid things but he realized the importance of Z in his life. He proposed her and asked her to marry him. After days of introspection, retrospection, inspection, Z said ‘YES’. !!!!</span></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">A year went by; it seemed as if nothing can now go wrong. But just like in any ‘Abbas Mastan’ starrer, it did. One day X left for office in the morning but never came back. Nobody knows where he went or what happened? X, just went missing.</span></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">“He always preferred Sec C and never, never ever (*insert magarmachh ke aansoo*), even tried Cos C (Any guesses about Z’s favorite movie? ‘ Women on Top’). We had our differences over the issue but never so intense that it’d make him do this “, said Z after being investigated by the CID inspector Daya and ACP Pradyuman.</span></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Y (X’s best friend and colleague) said “I have always had my doubts regarding Z’s intention behind marrying X. She convinced X to transfer most of his property to her name after the marriage and the rest was anyways supposed to come to her according to the will (as revealed by X’s lawyer upon investigation by ‘darwaza tod do a.k.a Inspector Daya), which by the way is not less by any standards. And after that whole MMS scandal, this almost looks like revenge”. ---<i> I quote Verbatim, believe the source at your own peril.</i></span></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-VjIjnev3uU8/TW0P7OJbXOI/AAAAAAAAB0U/UKwdzagO9Y0/s1600/Untitled1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-VjIjnev3uU8/TW0P7OJbXOI/AAAAAAAAB0U/UKwdzagO9Y0/s1600/Untitled1.jpg" style="cursor: move;" /></a></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It’s been a few months now and the police have not been able to trace any lead. I, hereby, would request the whole nation (school, colleges, students, teachers, politicians, farmers, cricketers etc.) to unite and provide their support in finding X.</span></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Someone please FIND X!!!</span></b></div></div></div></div>Ankit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8618771120570090361.post-25887242568897585082011-03-01T15:58:00.006+01:002011-12-12T08:36:25.394+01:00An infinite loop with a loop hole !<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Life is tough. I know that. I plan accordingly. What do I plan ? Well, I drink beer. WTF? you may ask. You must I say. I have seen people plan. What happens? Shit happens. So I plan to spoil myself in the process. What process ? The process is the plan, you jackass. It's a plan where I plan the processes and you, you fucking process the plans that I plan. Do I sound like Joseph Heller? Not yet. Right. Because he is a fucking genius when it comes to repetitive repetition. Read Catch-22 I say. Read it now. Go to the book store, buy that fuckawesome book and read it I say. But why in hell should you listen to me, right ? You are a genius yourself, aren't you ? But you self proclaimed one-of-a-kind-sonovabitch-genius, listen to me now. Stand up from that bean bag, wear some proper clothes you wannabe Charlie Sheen, and go to the book store and buy that fucking book. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">What? You don't know Charlie Sheen ? That 'Two-and-a-half-men' guy you dammit. The one who opens the door when your mother rings the bell. You don't fucking know about the bell either, do you ? You son-of-a-bitch, you bell-fucker-mother-son, you retarded bastard. I am telling you, Read That Book ! </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">But life is so complicated. How are we supposed to handle all this crap simultaneously man ? Do I see that happening, I don't. Why don't I ?, you may ask. But you ask so many fucking questions, you crapper. You shit all over my already crapped over life and now you ask me all these fucking questions, huh ? What's up with that, you bastardical shit. I, actually, don't mind questions. What I mind is the answers. Answers are like life. They are complicated. They are so complicated that they remind me of your life running in flashbacks with my own life. Man, that sucks. But, what should we do ? I am busy. I don't have time to sort all this stufout. Forget about sorting this out, I don't even have time to read a book. BTW did I mention, that my favorite book is Catch-22. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">What's up with life anyways ? This thing sucks man. They don't give you beer for free, girls don't come cheap either these days, nobody read books now-a-days. I mean wtf dude ? One of my friend has a nice job, twice married, has a private bar, but that sonovabitch has not read Catch-22 yet. That is fucking complicated man. How is that freaking possible in today's world ?Impossible I say. But what I say, doesn't matter to you. Because you think you are right. Everyone thinks that way. But someone has got to be wrong. You all can't be right, can you be ? If all were right, why would life be so complicated. It's like everyone is wrong. That, is not possible either. Few are right, few are wrong. You have got to make your choices. So many fucking choices man these days, I don't even know that they are choices. I think of them as options. What is the difference anyways? WTF is happening man? Some retard ate some fucking apple somewhere and we have to answer these fucking complicated questions about life. I want to quit, but that is not even an option. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">They don't even give you all the options. They think you'll fuck with all the options and create some more. They are afraid of us. They are afraid of choices. Choices are like god. They give you options. But I still don't know the difference man. This fucking thing is like a black hole, its so fucking complicated. Sometimes I think they didn't even give any option to the black hole itself. They told him, you fucking nigger, you are black and you'll remain black forever. I feel for these holes at times. I do others, but I feel for these ones. You can't help it at times man. Everything is so blacked out. It's like walking alone at night. Just that, its so dark that you can't even walk properly, forget about reading a book. That sure sucks man. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">But I tell you one thing that I have learnt in the last few years. Eh, forget about it. You are not gonna listen to me anyways. That is how life is man. You know the questions, you know the answers. But you don't want to answer the answers because they are so unrelated to the questions most of the times. Fuck this shit man. This thing is COMPLICATED !</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Read Catch-22 I say !!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div></div>Ankit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8618771120570090361.post-81605162220971144132010-09-19T21:00:00.004+02:002010-09-19T21:15:17.322+02:00Experiments [LIVE]<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><div style="text-align: justify;">According to a recent study, it was found that 73% of the studies/findings published in the last 67 years were absurd and those research/experiments were never actually done at the first place. This is Breaking News. We can't even imagine the consequences that this would have. Forget about the consequences, imagine the causes it would have :-? (<i>As both the writer and editor of the post I tried explaining to myself that the previous sentence is a slap on the face of my English teacher but my conscience kept reminding me of my class 7th report-card and that 'red-colored-marking'. This would be a nice return gift. Belated Happy Teacher's Day Lalitha Ma'am</i>).</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">This news has affected the lives of many. Infact, one of my friends is facing an existential dilemma. Our team got in touch with him to get to the bottom of this. Excerpts :-</div><div style="text-align: justify;">{ <br />
Friend : When I was young, I often asked my dad about how I was born? He always used to say that "<i>Son, one day your mom and me were doing some experiment, which to the surprise of both of us actually went very well and after a few odd months you were born</i>". Now, after this recent story and by extrapolating my dad's stamina during that time considering his condition in the last few years I am doubtful that experiment he boasts about was actually ever done. This brings me back to my question, How was I born ?</div><div style="text-align: justify;">}</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">In 1961 a fashion magazine, after some research and studies, concluded in their December edition that ' Men prefers women who have bigger breasts'. In 1962, silicon implants were invented. The growth in the industry was so much so that couple of years back a leading professional from the fashion industry went ahead and said 'We should make implants compulsory'. <i>But I guess that the bubble had to burst some day. And it did</i>. Women around the world are now questioning the authenticity of the study done in 1961. Some have filed a petition against the fashion magazine saying that "We were misguided. We took certain life altering decision based on this study. Though they have had their fair share of benefits but these continuous back pains are just not worth all the efforts. And now since it never meant anything anyways we want our money back".<br />
<br />
This path breaking study has revealed many a scandals and has put today's generation on the brink of being an extreme skeptic. Skepticism will now no longer be only associated with the frustrated government job professionals but would become an intrinsic characteristic in almost everyone around the world. But all is still not lost. In the words of Ambrose Bierce " It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better". So I guess, All is well kaake, All is well !!<br />
<br />
Au revoir !<br />
<br />
</div></span>Ankit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8618771120570090361.post-49891094229149793122010-09-03T22:37:00.014+02:002011-05-30T23:07:26.973+02:00Similarities b/w Apple Products and Girlfriends<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">And here it goes :-</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">1) You feel on top of the world when you get your first apple product and in the other case you do actually feel on top of something (don't you?).</span><br />
<div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">2) Right to touch. Anyone who is not the owner or co-owner does not have the rights to be even in close proximity to both the things being discussed.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">3) With reference to 'Right to Touch', you are extremely excited about the first time without much of an idea about what to do ?</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">4) Irrespective of how good a product you have, the one that your closest friend has looks slightly more classy. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">5) As soon as a new version is launched or seen anywhere in the market, you are ready to dump the old one and run for it. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">6) Both have something to do with JOBS. Some are a huge fan while some just blow him off (OMG, multiple levels of cheapness in this comment). </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">7) Extremely high maintenance cost involved. Only people with stable jobs ( and again ) should indulge themselves.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">8) Finally, irrespective of how good the design is, the 'apple of your eye' is still half eaten. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><div><div><br />
</div></div></div></div></div>Ankit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8618771120570090361.post-56876351172184804612010-07-25T15:47:00.007+02:002011-09-03T07:37:01.225+02:00The Randomness of a statistical self !!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">According
to a recent study, about 67% of the people who are not yet born will be dead by
2050. This news sent shivers down the human rights ministry who demanded their
respective countries for a better average life span and decline in the
mortality rate. Governments around the world are trying to explain that this is
not their KRA.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">This has
also confused the newly married couples for the obvious reasons but condom
companies are making the gold out of it with their new campaign stating ' SOS -
Save our Sperms'. "The sales is estimated to increase by 300% in the next
quarter" - says the CEO of Durex.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">With most
countries worried after this critical piece of information was published, one
country that doesn't seem to be much bothered is Afganistan. Infact, the
'Happiness Index' has just gone up by 2.9% in the last 2 days. With their work
cut out, and after the recent talks between Oxygen Brothers (Obama and Osama) *
This lame joke was sponsored by Mr. Abhishek Sharma- director of 'Tere Bin
Laden' *, the next set of BPO's will be setup in Kabul.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Indian
Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh said "We have found the solution, it's a
multifold benefit campaign that we are launching 'F**k the Chinese', quite
literally. The campaign is mutually agreed upon and signed. Last week we
proposed the idea to the chinese government and they thought of the 2 stars in
F**k as a sign of respect and admiration from India and immediately agreed and
signed the documents". On probing about the logic behind this Dr.Singh
said "Who wants a brown kid with slit eyes ?".<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">In another
recent study it was found that 37% of people with less than 40 years of age by
2050 will suffer from cancer. The data from both the studies was closely
studied by the data analytics companies and after hours and hours of number
crunching it was concluded that somethings are better left unsaid. But given
the previous trends about fewer cases of cancer in a cemetery, at least 67% not
yet born people have something to cheer about.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">"These
research surveys have not only made it evident that we need to redesign our
future set of references but have also questioned our existential design
features and layouts" said the Apple CEO Steve Jobs. He also blamed the
whole iPhone 4 signal reception fiasco on the fear and unpredictability in the
minds of users during these prevailing crisis. According to him, no other
company could ever dare to launch a product in such tense market conditions and
Apple has managed to do that sucessfully. Technically, he explained about the
signal reception problem, the nodes of the 'tense atmosphere waves' are at a
180 degree phase difference with the 'radio frequency' hence canceling each
other out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">This is
what an Apple fan said on a community forum " This is all fraud. This is
Microsoft's way of getting back at Apple. They fudged all these report studies
and blah blah. I will Kill Bill. ( This led to a sudden interest from the other
users about the movie Kill Bill. The IMDB rating has gone up from 152 to 135
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0266697/. Tarantino is inspired by this kid and to
show his support for the cause has titled his next movie as 'Faster, Pussycat
Kill Kill' http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1276114/ )<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">'We-Have-A-Lot-Of-Free-Time'
wing of the occult studies and histrionics department have also validated these
findings. Apparently, they have decrypted the last page of the 'Nostradamus
Book' and were exhilarated upon realization that it exactly matches with the
findings. The department has decided to pay tribute to Nostradamus by writing
an auto-biography ( ?? Autobiography?? ). When asked, they said if he was alive
he'd have done the same thing. The name of this epic autobiography, as revealed
by a source, would be 'Oops I did it again'-- by Nostradamus.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Someone
from Bangladesh called FIFA and said ' We are now unsure whether we'd ever be
able to participate in the Football World Cup, so please let us host the 2014
world cup. We have decided the official song already. It'll be called ' Dhaka
Dhaka - It's time for Bangla-la-la' and have also shortlisted a couple of
foreign singers ' Alka yagnik from India and Rakhi Sawant from Mars'. The
official from FIFA was unaware that there's a country named Bangladesh and
slammed the phone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Ankit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8618771120570090361.post-38989740324944876432010-02-12T18:22:00.004+01:002010-02-12T18:44:54.268+01:00Break !!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"></span></span></span><span><span>Mc donalds ka burger khaate khaate<br />Paratho ka swaad bhool gaye<br />Chamach kaante ki aadat kya padi<br />Achaar me lipte haath bhool gaye.<br /><br />Malls ki shopping kya rang laayi<br />Nukkad ka sunday bazaar bhool gaye<br />Zameer bheegone me koi kasar nahi chhodi<br />Par pehli baarish ki phuwaar bhool gaye.</span></span><div><span><span><br />Internet pe chatting shatting bahut<br />Padosi ka naam tak bhool gaye<br />Hum network badhane ke chakkar me<br />Kareebi doston ka pyaar bhool gaye.<br /><br />Bado ke aage jhuk jaana to door</span></span></div><div><span><span>Hum nazre jhukana tak bhool gaye </span></span></div><div><span><span>Is kadar gir gaye apni nazro me hum</span></span></div><div><span><span>Ab to maafi ka bahana tak bhool gaye.</span></span></div><div><span><span><br />Yu dhundhla sa gaya hai drishya saara</span></span></div><div><span><span>Hum aaine me dikhta insaan bhool gaye</span></span></div><div><span><span>Jo bi dikha wo pehchaana na gaya</span></span></div><div><span><span>Hum apne imaan ka naam bhool gaye.<br /><br />© 2009-2010 Ankit Arora. All Rights Reserved</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: normal; font-family:'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"></span></span></span></span></div></div>Ankit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8618771120570090361.post-9190432312343483632010-02-07T13:01:00.018+01:002011-11-04T19:46:58.215+01:00A Speech to Remember !!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
<div><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">First of all I would like to thank the condom companies for their excellent product feature that highlights “96% success rate". Though only 4% help but whatever I have achieved in life wouldn't have been possible without them (I would have loved to achieve things in life without doing the effort of being born and actually doing them, but that does sound idiotic for most parts, doesn't it?). Condom companies '<i>Take a bow</i>' (well NOT actually)!!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">My lovely parents, people who were absolutely sure that I will make it someday, it’s them.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Then, I would like to thank all my friends who didn't actually think of me as their friend and ignored me all throughout. I wouldn’t have realized my true potential without them. It gives me immense pleasure to see you all screwed up in life and I assure you I'll be of great help to make it any more miserable.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Next is my Girlfriend, who dumped me because my "choice of colors or something like that" was <i>unusual</i>. Things to consider, <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">1) Reason for dumping->Choice of colors,<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">2) Choice was not even bad, just unusual. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Though it looks like that you dumped me, I, hereby would want to let you know that the feelings were mutual. I was anyhow too confounded with certain things like Nail Polish Removal Tips Book, Hair Straightening after Sex guidelines, Heels that make you 15 degree inclined towards the ground (<i>Though it has its own advantages but I would refrain myself from mentioning those here</i>) etc...The list is actually endless.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Last but not the least, I would like to thank myself as it was impossible to achieve this without my own help and desire to win and achieve something that no one has ever dared. It took me 25 years to come to a point in life where I realized I could do this. That is when I called the Guinness World guys to record the official time of my achievement.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Microsoft PhagsPa', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Record: - Continuous Sleeping for 39 days and 39 minutes.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div></div></div><div><div><div></div></div></div></div>Ankit Arorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937822107402264732noreply@blogger.com5