May 17, 2011

Facebook is my Mom; Twitter is my Dad !


The moment I log-on to Twitter, I can hear my dad shouting  "Look at all those kids, look how many of their tweets are getting re-tweeted by people all around the world and look at you! You don't even have enough followers to begin with. Wasting life sitting in front of laptop doing nothing (I love it when my dad speaks the Twitter language). You know,  my colleague Bhatia ji tells me that her daughter has 4500 followers on Twitter". The trick now is to stop listening and think about Bhatia uncle's daughter. Partly because I have had enough of what Twitter has to say and partly because I can't tell my dad that his colleague's daughter is one fuckawesome piece of hotness and hence, the no. of followers (not to mention that I am one of them). 

Facebook is different. Once I posted this on Facebook "Reached home early today from office" and bam!! 11 'likes' and 8 comments within a blink of an eye. People I don't remember adding to my friend list, people I didn't know even existed, people who have no idea how far is my home from office (just 5 mins walk, btw), and people who just like everything I post, they are all there for support. No matter what I do on Facebook, there is someone always there to like it. Reminds me of maa. I come home early, come late, fail an exam, top one, get into a fight with someone, give peace lessons in school, it does not matter. She loves me irrespective of what I am, what I could have been, what I can be or even if I become a member of Al-Qaeda (to fellow bloggers, see this is how SEO works). No, not Al-Qaeda, that was just too much. 

Your mom sets short term goals for you; that, you get through your day happily and sleep well at night is her major concern every single day. Facebook wants that for you too. Their whole business model is to convince people that "You don't know how many friends you have, we know it better". So, friends you may know, friends of friends you may know, photographs your friends commented on, photographs they did not comment on but should have, Facebook gives you all. Kind of like your mom sending you pics of random girls some random people suggested to her, hoping you'd just look at one of them and say "here it is, future Mrs. ____" !! 

My dad is the complete opposite. He is like a boys' hostel warden who'd never let any girl walk into the hostel. Ever. And for all my friends he does not like there's an altogether different plan. "He who comes back after being thrown out of the house insulted, is a real friend", thats his theory. Beat that now. A perfect recipe for a tragic childhood. That's what Twitter does to you too, it puts you in an auto-screening mode where you end up following people that your dad would have wanted you to. No bullshitting around whatsoever. Twitter has a long term plan for you. It says "Nothing comes in this world for free, not even followers. Improvement is the key". All a dad ever wants for his son is a little hope; hope, that one day his son will be the Greatest in some field. Not a bad thought actually, but look at me, do I look like I could ever be the greatest in anything except, if given a chance, sleeping. Clearly, my dad does not have realistic goals. 

My mom isn't a realist either. She is a believer. "Bhagwan me vishwas rakho" is like one of her favorite lines. Believes what she has to believe in. Thinks that I am the most intelligent/handsome/creative/funny guy in my whole group of friends but sometimes I am just not working to my potential. That's the world she lives and believes in. At times I want to live in that world too. That is when I log on to Facebook. Chat with someone, look into few videos copied from youtube all of them titled 'funniest video ever', browse though friend's honeymoon pics, post which is a period of ROFLMAOing for while (If collated, someone can make a TV series out of all these pics 'How my friends became dads or atleast tried to!' or may be a show on AXN 'Top 50 scenes from 'THE BIG BANG THEORY'), make sarcastic remarks on some, and then log off just when it starts to become a little overwhelming. 

Mom thinks I am intelligent, Dad thinks I am going to be some day. I think, they both are wrong. Clearly, they have no idea what sites I visit the most !

6 comments:

Gurkiran Bath said...

bhai faad..... qaatil hai yeh to....

Mr. said...

this put a smile on my face

varun said...

Good one.. End result is very realistic

Ankit Arora said...

Thanks :)

abhishek said...

kya baat hai bandhu:) ekdum kaatil.... waiting for more!!

Akshit said...

your creativity needs applause :) keep on !!

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