July 25, 2010

The Randomness of a statistical self !!

According to a recent study, about 67% of the people who are not yet born will be dead by 2050. This news sent shivers down the human rights ministry who demanded their respective countries for a better average life span and decline in the mortality rate. Governments around the world are trying to explain that this is not their KRA.

This has also confused the newly married couples for the obvious reasons but condom companies are making the gold out of it with their new campaign stating ' SOS - Save our Sperms'. "The sales is estimated to increase by 300% in the next quarter" - says the CEO of Durex.

With most countries worried after this critical piece of information was published, one country that doesn't seem to be much bothered is Afganistan. Infact, the 'Happiness Index' has just gone up by 2.9% in the last 2 days. With their work cut out, and after the recent talks between Oxygen Brothers (Obama and Osama) * This lame joke was sponsored by Mr. Abhishek Sharma- director of 'Tere Bin Laden' *, the next set of BPO's will be setup in Kabul.

Indian Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh said "We have found the solution, it's a multifold benefit campaign that we are launching 'F**k the Chinese', quite literally. The campaign is mutually agreed upon and signed. Last week we proposed the idea to the chinese government and they thought of the 2 stars in F**k as a sign of respect and admiration from India and immediately agreed and signed the documents". On probing about the logic behind this Dr.Singh said "Who wants a brown kid with slit eyes ?".

In another recent study it was found that 37% of people with less than 40 years of age by 2050 will suffer from cancer. The data from both the studies was closely studied by the data analytics companies and after hours and hours of number crunching it was concluded that somethings are better left unsaid. But given the previous trends about fewer cases of cancer in a cemetery, at least 67% not yet born people have something to cheer about.

"These research surveys have not only made it evident that we need to redesign our future set of references but have also questioned our existential design features and layouts" said the Apple CEO Steve Jobs. He also blamed the whole iPhone 4 signal reception fiasco on the fear and unpredictability in the minds of users during these prevailing crisis. According to him, no other company could ever dare to launch a product in such tense market conditions and Apple has managed to do that sucessfully. Technically, he explained about the signal reception problem, the nodes of the 'tense atmosphere waves' are at a 180 degree phase difference with the 'radio frequency' hence canceling each other out.

This is what an Apple fan said on a community forum " This is all fraud. This is Microsoft's way of getting back at Apple. They fudged all these report studies and blah blah. I will Kill Bill. ( This led to a sudden interest from the other users about the movie Kill Bill. The IMDB rating has gone up from 152 to 135 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0266697/. Tarantino is inspired by this kid and to show his support for the cause has titled his next movie as 'Faster, Pussycat Kill Kill' http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1276114/ )

'We-Have-A-Lot-Of-Free-Time' wing of the occult studies and histrionics department have also validated these findings. Apparently, they have decrypted the last page of the 'Nostradamus Book' and were exhilarated upon realization that it exactly matches with the findings. The department has decided to pay tribute to Nostradamus by writing an auto-biography ( ?? Autobiography?? ). When asked, they said if he was alive he'd have done the same thing. The name of this epic autobiography, as revealed by a source, would be 'Oops I did it again'-- by Nostradamus.

Someone from Bangladesh called FIFA and said ' We are now unsure whether we'd ever be able to participate in the Football World Cup, so please let us host the 2014 world cup. We have decided the official song already. It'll be called ' Dhaka Dhaka - It's time for Bangla-la-la' and have also shortlisted a couple of foreign singers ' Alka yagnik from India and Rakhi Sawant from Mars'. The official from FIFA was unaware that there's a country named Bangladesh and slammed the phone.


addy said...

Its sheer 'Randomness' that you're stuck in the job you're doing. You should be a philosopher, buddy!

SheetzTime said...

The Bangladesh one was too good ..
" Rakhi Swanat from Mars" ..You are a real PagalGuy ..

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