Facebook for you, Just in case!

Welcome to Facebook. Today's agenda is to give you an educational tour on the following:-

1) Who is reading What on Washington post? And how Washington Post has become the Farmville of the Intelligentsia?

2) How many people in India are dying of hunger (Pics will be attached for added effect)? How can you help them by not wasting food? Some of these people are also suffering from cancer. You can lend support just by one 'click' on your mouse. Believe me, It works. I have tried it. We'll also take a special 10 minutes session on How to pretend to care!

3) A brief statistical journey on how many people in India are blind? If you plan to commit suicide tomorrow, make sure to pledge your eye donation first. This is very important.

4) A visual tour on How to Get Married accompanied by Pics right from 'potential sampling' to 'Honeymoon'. This can overwhelm you a little but we have pics of ugly looking missing people to bring you back to sanity.

5) If you have not bothered enough to ask your parents this since you were born, we present you a once-in-a-lifetime-oppotunity to know 'What does your name mean?'.

6) We'll also take you through some of the dowry cases and problems associated. People working in IT and have worked Onsite for an year or 2, you guys have extra cash, Help you bastards! If you don't, we'll keep showing you pics and tell you stories so you'll not be able to sleep well at nights.

7) WHY NOT TO MESS AROUND MUCH ON FACEBOOK, because there's Shiv Ji keeping an eye on everything right from the Himalayas. We have proof too.

8) Visual Representation of how Smoking is Injurious to health, just in case you have not seen the warning on the pack of cigarette ever in your life.

8) When and Who made India's national anthem as the best national anthem in the world? Mostly everything that India have, had, does, did is always the best in the world. Also, a small lesson on the difference between patriotism and being mindfuckingly Stupid.

9) We will also take you through the Facebook pics of some randomly selected people and prove that 60% of them will have a Photo Album named "Yaar Anmulle"!!

10) We'll tell you pointers about How to reply when someone just answers a question about you. This is difficult sometimes because these people are supposedly some kickass mind-readers.

11) And last would be some videos that no one was able to watch for more than 20 seconds.

Please forward this to 20 people on your friend list and you'll get the love of your life within the next 4 weeks. If you break this chain, shit hits the fan.

Happy Propose Day! IT style

Dear Love,

With respect to the High Level Requirements discussed yesterday, please find below the first draft (in points) of the proposal. Request you to go through the same and suggest any changes that you'd like before 13th Feb'12. 

1.       Only out-of-the-box functionality will be implemented and followed for the 1st year of the relationship. Any customization like 'meeting the parents' will follow the change management process wherein both parties will have the right to terminate the contract with immediate effect. In case of any such event, both parties are entitled to one last eventful night of wild sex. 

2.       Tongue is allowed.

3.      In case you decide you ‘blow’ the system up anytime, well, you are most welcome. I say, job well done!

4.     You will be provided with gifts and surprises once a month. Any further requirement will be treated on the barter system wherein you’d be required to make up for that value, in kind.

5.      Two trips are promised during this period of 1 year.

6.      You’ll not be given access to the credit card at any point in time during this year.

7.    During arguments, you are not allowed to cry. Although, you can use sex as a weapon to win arguments.

8.    We will follow the Webster’s definition of sex. Any variation from any other dictionary or custom made by your group of friends will not be accepted.

9.      No. of times in a week >= 3 (Your choice, if greater than 3, will supersede this rule)

10.   Any discussion on the topic of marriage is strictly prohibited.

11.    Alternate Saturdays will be naked Saturdays.

12.  The contract is valid only for 1 year, but a support shoulder of 3 weeks will be provided if any party finds it difficult to cope up with the change.

13.   If any party decides to break-up, a 1 month notice period will be served. During the notice period, all the above mentioned points will be followed.

14.   In case both parties are interested to continue the relationship after 1 year, a new contract will be signed.

Request you to please send in your response before 13^th Feb. This will help in deciding whether to book a table at fine dine restaurant or sports bar for 14^th night.

  

Happy Proposal Day!