No love for you.

It’s not love if it’s not twisted. It can’t be that. Love is not a cardboard puzzle where you put in a little thought and time and it will come together like a beautiful Michelangelo painting. It’s more like a game of Tetris, the difficulty level and complexity increases exponentially as you move forward in your relationship and you can never win. It’s written that way. No one comes out a winner.

We don’t fall in love. We don’t love. No one ever has, no one ever will. We have made it the most abused word possible. I am not a cynic, but that’s that. You have got to understand that we give illogical reasons to our juvenile actions by associating it with love. We do it to free ourselves of the guilt, to maintain whatever little self respect we have got, to make sure we live another day thinking I am not all waste of a human being after all. The biggest mistake we do is that we try and define love and then we add a sense of achievement to it. It’s a degradation of your soul. This is what kills you.

You pretend to be content. You pretend to be a lot of things. The problem is everyone is pretending. This pretention has become the world we live in. You think this pretention is being made worthwhile ‘coz you are loved. We make it our reason to live when there isn’t left any. We pretend to care when every other emotion inside has dried, has given way to a pathetic little afterthought, to care.

Letter to Invigilator- Pass karwado -- Part I

To: Invigilator@aap.hi.karta.dharta.com

Cc: ChilladBoys@KamineyLaunde.com

Subject: Pass karwado

Sir,

Kaam ki baat pe aane se pehle kuchh batana chahta hu

Average sa student hu, average se kam number laata hu

Kuchh aur dost hai mere, sab mere hi jaise hai

Sabki laundo ki taraf se aapko kuchh samjhana chahta hu

Mere gang ka naam ‘chillad boys’ mashhoor hai

Zindagi ka lakshya abhi humse bahut door hai

Kuchh hi to saal hai sir hamare jawani jeene ke

uske baad to zindagi jaise ek torture-tour hai

Yaad kijiye sir wo apne sunehre college ke din

Jee na paana wo mashooka ke message ke bin

Aisi haalat me koi kaise lagaye padhai me mann

Chain nahi hai din me aur raaton ki neend gayi hai chhin.

Chhoti chooti aankhon me hamare chhote chhote sapne hai

Paper university se ban ke aata hai par invigilator to apne hai

Thode hi din me sir semester exams shuru hone waale hai

Saare exam to chhodo sir, ek me bhi paas hone ke laale hai

Is baar cheating karne dena sir please

Fail hue agar to hum sab gharo me bada bura pitne waale hai

Sir, paas karwa dena. Aapki setting wo network waali professor se pakka karwa denge.

Invigilator ka Reply

To: ChilladBoys@KamineyLaunde.com

Ek number ke harami launde ho tum saare ke saare

Ek class attend nahi kari, jaane kitne bunk maare

Par tumhara letter dekh ke meri aankh bhar aayi hai

Yaad aa gayi wo 1st year ki suppli aur affair dher saare              

Wo network waali professor kasam se hai bahut maal

Sunehri zulfen, hoth shabnami, aur gaal hai laal-laal

Usse agar setting karwadi tumne meri

Phir to tumhari distinction pakki hai chaaron saal

Par setting ke saath saath kuchh aur bhi lagega is kaam me 
Ek rangeen karyakram aur Johnny Walker ho mehfil-e-shaam me
Kuchh main bhi ji lu apni jawani beeti hui
Bheeg jaane du umar thodi ek nacheez se jaam me.

Jaao aish karo!! kaam ho jaayega>

ChilladBoyz Haraamkhori scheme

Mail forwarded to Principal@bunkerCollege.com

Sir dekha hamare college me acche Invigilator ki kitni kadki hai

Ye waala saala ek to corrupt upar se kitna tharki hai

College ki izzat ka sawaal hai sir aap kuchh kijiye

Apni jeb se haath nikaliye aur bhaag-dor haath me lijiye 

Aisi mauko pe sakht kadam lena ati avashyak hai

Aapko kuchh na soojhe to aage likhe hamare upaye pe gaur kijiye.

Main aapko ye mushkil ka upaye batata hu

Sabke dil ki baat ab aapko yahi sunata hu

Lady Professors hire karo sir usme hi sabki bhalayi hai

Sab ladko ne aaj tak sirf Network ki classes lagayi hai

Aisi 4-5 aur maal professor le aao sir bhagwan aapka bhala kare

Kisi ek se aapki setting karwa denge agar zyada dikkat aayi hai

kya bolte ho sir?

TO BE CONTINUED…..

The IT Complaint Out-Of-The-Box

I complain a lot. I do. But today it's about something far more worse than just that. It's about, well... read up!

Today I am going to share 5 of the hand-picked issues that my plaguing my company as perceived by some of my colleagues. The following points are true to best of my knowledge and I would try my best to quote them verbatim. 

Suggestion: Please do not kill yourself after this. There’s a lot more to come.

Complaint 1: The size of the coconut keeps on shrinking day by day. We deserve better coconuts for the amount we pay. The vendor has turned a blind eye to our requests and has been offering sub-standard coconuts for a few days now. As per my knowledge, the water inside the coconut is directly proportional to its softness. We request the food committee to look into the issue. 
(Are you fucking coco-nuts?)

Complaint 2:  Dear food committee, we request you to please increase the number of spoons in the food court. During the peak hours there are no free spoons and we have to wait for few minutes before we could get hold of one. While we are waiting for the spoons, the food turns cold. Yesterday because of this issue, I got late for my conference call and my manager asked the reason for being late. When I explained, he scolded me even more. This is embarrassing. Please add more spoons. 
(Have to seen Matrix? How many times do I have to tell you that “THERE IS NO SPOON!!”)

Complaint 3:  My office chair just like everyone else’s is a revolving recliner. But there’s this one issue, it makes a lot of noise when I revolve it repeatedly. This irritates the person sitting next to me and he stares at me like it is my mistake. Company should take the responsibility of ensuring that all the chairs are properly revolving and reclining without making unnecessary noises. I don’t want to be ill-treated by my fellows in office due to a noise making chair!! Please let me know whom should I contact to get this issue resolved. Thanks. 
(Ever heard of a phrase "G**nd tika ke baith jaa ek jagah?")

Complaint 4:  Yesterday, while I was going to the food court I heard 2 guys talking to each other, one saying to the other "Dekh teri bhabhi jaa rahi hai aage". I felt disgusted after  listening to such nonsense. Is this the kind of behavior we expect from our colleagues? We are educated people and we should respect each other. This should not be tolerated in office and we should have people like these fined if they are found saying such insensitive stuff about a girl. 
(This guy is never getting married, I can bet my life on that. ‘His’ should be hanged till death)

Complaint 5:  Heading: Eating habits

I don’t have any biases towards people from any state but there are certain things that pain me much. We see a lot of our own fellow employees eating Dosa with spoon, forks and knives. I mean wth? Dosa is meant to be eaten with your bare hands. This way it even tastes better. I was told by my mother in my childhood that if you eat Dosa with hands, it always tastes better and I have found that to be absolutely true. Not only these people are missing out on the perfect taste of Dosa, they are also disrespecting the South Indian culture. I don’t want to put a regional bias onto what kind of people indulge in such activities, but all of us have a fair idea. I would request everyone to please eat their Dosas with hands only. 
(Dear Sir, should I choke the bloody life out of you with my bare hands or cut your throat with a knife? Please let us know what your mother said. You should be DEXTERED!!)

* I KID YOU NOT. THIS SHIT IS TRUE.