Reply from Shiv Ji: Ho Na Paayega!!

Please read Letter to Shiv Ji: Ladki Dilao and Letter to Shiv Ji: Tumhare bas ki kuchh nahi before this one. 

From: Shiv.sarvshaktimaan@bhagwan.com

To: Bechara Bandhu 

Cc: krishna@ladkibaazi.com; ram.diwaliwaala@ihateraavan.com; vishnu@identitycrisis.com; brahma@pervertpops.com; hanuman@puchhwaala.com

Subject: Ho Na Paayega!! 

Beta ab to tera kuchh nahi ho paayega

Akela aaya tha duniya me akela hi jaayega

Ladki ke saamne aate hi teri seeti gul ho jati hai

Wo kitne signal deti hai par tere samajh ek nahi aati hai

Commitment ke naam se hi tujhe paseena aane lagta hai

Wo  paas aati rehti hai aur tu door jaane lagta hai

Kisi ki naak tedi hai, koi roti to koi hasti zyada hai

Ulte seedhe bahane deta hai jaise tu bada shehzaada hai

Ab ladkiya nahi banti humse low treble (trouble) aur high bass waali

Jo hai jaisi hai kaam chala, nahi hobby dhoondh le koi time pass waali

Ab aur mail na likhna mujhe main waise hi bada pareshaan hu maan lo

Parvati ne vish pi liya tha 2 din pehle, kehti “Girls are best jaan lo baat ye maan lo” #FML

Krishna Ji ka Reply:-

Oye, bahut maal hai duniya me tu ghabra mat dude

Ye Shiv pagla gaya hai, faltu me ho raha hai rude

Aankhen kamzor ho gayi thi, idhar udhar takrata girta hai

Teesri aankh gayi tel lene, filhaal to chashma laga ke phirta hai.

Tu tension na le mere padhaye paath hamesha yaad rakhna

Zindagi jeene ke liye bani hai, kar jo karna hai koi gam na rakhna

Mujhe resource management se hata diya hai aaj kal

Isliye kuchh kar nahi paaya

Nahi to tu mera favorite bhakt hai aur

Line me hoti tere liye  Shikha, Shweta aur Maaya!

2012 apocalypse prediction ki wajah se yaha mahual tense hai 

Vishnu ki fati padi hai aur Ram kehta hai ki sab non-sense hai 

Aaj kal time nahi hai kisi ke paas tumhari fariyaad sunne ka !!

Agar bach gaye to 2013 me yeh mission phir se shuru karenge! chillax ok.

Ram ji ka reply (To Shiv Ji and me) :-

Shiv, ye kya bachpana  va behudgi hai yaar

Is ladke ke letter me recommendation thi chaar

Kya main puchh sakta hu isko ab tak ladki kyu nahi di

Why this kolaveri Shiv, Why this kolaveri, di?

@Bechara Bandhu:

Jaise tumne dekha hoga ki mujhme bahut change aaya hai 

Baat karne ka dhang changed hai aur thoda fun paaya hai

Waisa hi fun main teri life me kar dunga

Shiv ne agar kuchh nahi kiya, to ann shann kar dunga!

Vishnu Ji ka reply :-

Baalak jaise ki tum jaante ho ki mere paas kuchh kaam nahi hai. Aur logo me mere baare me jaan-ne ka bhi interest ab naa ke barabar hai. Agar TV/media industry kisi ko jaante ho to Vishnu based serial ka idea pitch karo yaar please :) Thanks in advance :D

Priceless!

I had a professor once who used to speak & write in alliterations & in a language that I am supposed to believe, was English. May be he is still the same. I don’t know. But what I do know is that I hardly ever understood a word of what he said except for nouns and prepositions. Because not only he used to speak in alliterations, his fucking vocabulary could easily put even some of the most sophisticated and brilliant writers to shame. The funniest of all was when; once he attended one of our batch parties where an insignificant being like me had a performance scheduled. It all went well until the next day he stopped me on the stairs and said something, which by his expressions seemed as if he was appreciating my performance the other day, but it could easily have been the reminder that I am yet to submit my weekly assignment. What do I know?

There is a reason I am telling you all this. I recently met a girl exactly like my professor. Don't get me wrong, I am referring him only and only with respect to his obsession I explained earlier. She's a friend of mine. If not for this habit, she could easily be the perfect girl friend material. That twinkle in the eye, killer smile, nose ring, hot as shit, and horny! But damn this alliteration ruined it all. The difference this time is, I am able to comprehend what she is saying, but I don’t want to. She speaks rubbish and it's irritating. The problem is that it has gone beyond just alliteration.  Her vocabulary is far too sophisticated and extensive for my liking. When I say my day was bad, all I want is sex, not some 1100 synonyms to explain the same feeling.

(To all my younger brothers and sisters reading this, please ignore the previous sentence. We don’t do stuff like this in our family ok. We are magic people, remember? Be good. And 1 more thing, DO NOT READ MY BLOGS. It’s all a lie, just to get some followers. You will understand this when you grow up. Now go and prepare for your Unit Test tomorrow. Bye)

Yeah back to reality!

So I decided that I’ll tell her about this annoying habit of hers the next day. But, the next day, she wore this white embroidered suit with a blue stole, a clip on the hair to hold them back from one side, the other side falling over her eye which she’d fling back with her fingers ever so lightly. Ahh god damn it, here I am, came to tell her how annoying she can be at times, but falling in love instead. I couldn’t do it; couldn’t even say a word. But a solution needs to be found. And then, right at that moment, the perfect solution hit me. Ear Buds.

To take her out for a nice evening dinner & drinks: Rs 5000

To not be able to listen to a word she says: Priceless